I find it amazing when dealing with the system, that anything ever gets done at all… That being said, it’s time for my rant…
As you may recall from several postings ago, Mark and I about had heart failure when we learned that daycare costs for the children. I’d finally gotten the word last Monday, that there was a ‘packet’ in the mail. I asked if said packet could be e-mail or faxed so we could jump start it. The big NO was what came back.
So, at this point it’s November 18. We are to now take custody the day before Thanksgiving. On Saturday, the 22nd, when I still hadn’t gotten anything in the mail, I left a voicemail for our social worker that we would NOT be taking full custody the day before Thanksgiving, because we still hadn’t receiving ANYTHING in the mail. She then gave me the name and phone number of the person with the county.
I contacted her, and she faxed me the papers so we could get started. The fax was more like a novel….65+ pages to be filled out. Honestly, it was AWFUL. However, I managed to get through the parts that pertained to Mark and me, along with all the docs for one of the care centers. Got those back to the person with the county, and now just need to get the info back for the care center for the oldest, and we’re done! Also, I’m writing this the day before Thanksgiving, and I’ve still not received the 1st packet that is supposedly in the mail…
It looks like full custody has been moved to December 5….but I’m not holding my breath as there have been other developments…
First, Dad is doing very well. So well in fact that he’s been moved to unsupervised visits, the first of which will be for 4 hrs on Thanksgiving. Also, grandma gets a 3 hr visit the day after Thanksgiving.
The social worker also mentioned that Dad would like a 6 hr visit on December 6. December 5 happens to be the oldest childs birthday, so we totally support that. As a matter of fact, if the SW deems it appropriate, we will invite dad to meet us at an ice cream parlor the evening of her actual b-day. We want this to be as easy on the kids as possible, and if they end up back with their father, so be it.
Mark also got a call from Grandma to schedule her visit. Grandma also saw fit to tell Mark that the mother of the kids is back in touch with her and in rehab, doing well, blah, blah, blah. We of course passed that along to the SW as moms rights have already been terminated. The SW told us that under no circumstances is mom to see the kids, and if we hear anything we are to let her know. Also, word is that Grandma (who is wife’s mother), and Father are not on speaking terms. We think it has to do with Father allowing wife to see kids after the courts ordered her not to have contact. In any event, we’ve sort of found out there’s no love lost there.
Lastly, I can’t tell any of you that are in this process enough about making sure you document EVERYTHING. One of the kids was leaning back in a chair at the table on Sunday, and we kept telling her not to do it. Of course she didn’t listen and when we turned around, she fell back off the chair. She’s now got a big bruise I guess. Of course the SW called me about it and I couldn’t remember ANYTHING. My dear hubby with a mind like an elephant, reminded me of the chair incident which I passed along to the social worker. We really need to remember to write EVERY LITTLE THING in our book…
Our weekend was good with the kids. We picked them up, and then headed out to do the Thanksgiving shopping. We got out of the store and came home and put it all away. Mark and I had discussed getting the kids holiday outfits, so Angel and I headed out for awhile to Target and Macy’s.
Her shoes were pretty ragged, so we found 2 cute pairs at Target. Then we headed to Macy’s where they are pretty much so hard up for sales, they were practically giving things away. We found her a pretty holiday dress, and picked up one for Jenna too. Found a cute holiday sweater for Bobby. Saturday was ice cream after dinner, then baths and a movie.
Sunday was Jenna’s turn for new shoes. Her little toes were busting out of her shoes, so we found some cute ones at Payless Shoes. Checked out K-Mart but they didn’t have anything worthwhile, so headed back home. Got the kids lunch, and then started picking up as they needed to head back to their other home. Beds were made, and toys put away, and they were out the door in time with no major trauma~!
That’s the latest! Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Reality Sets In....
After our weekend of Halloween, we started getting ourselves ready for having the kids full time. We were going to transition over the next weekend. Unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen….
I had started to get school schedules, and research day care options for the kids. Imagine my surprise when we figured out we need $571 per week worth of day care…. Mark and I had the best of intentions, but the cost of childcare didn’t even enter my mind. I think I’d slipped back 20 years when my friends and family had there kids, and day care was $100 a week or so… After checking our outstanding lottery tickets to see if we’d won the big jackpot, I sent a note to the social workers and told them we had a problem. Mark and I were not in a position to absorb this cost as much as we would have liked to. Plus, the stipend for the kids was not enough to cover this. So unless they could assist us with this problem, we were not going to be able to take custody.
In addition, I was being stonewalled in the set up of schooling for Jenna. Because I didn’t have custody papers, they wouldn’t set anything up for her. It was a very depressing week.
I sent a note to the social workers, and they started working on some options. 3 weeks later, we’re not much closer, but I’m told there is stuff ‘in the mail’ for me that will take care of the childcare etc. We’ll see… We are now scheduled to take custody the day before Thanksgiving….but we will have to see. We do not want to take full custody unless all these details are worked out. I cannot risk my job, as much as I’d like to. We need it to keep a roof over our heads…and I don’t relish the idea of living in my 2000 Toyota Camry…
Also, that week, we received another message from the social worker. We’d been told that Dad’s parental rights were going to be terminated the week before. The SW sent us a note and told us that did not happen, that Dad is apparently working very hard at getting his act together, and had letters from his counselors and therapists attesting to such.
We were a bit taken aback as we were told that it was a 99% done deal. However, our thoughts have always been the best interest of the children. And if Dad gets his act together and takes custody, more power to them. If nothing else, Mark and I have learned a lot about each other. Apparently Dad’s situation is going to be reviewed again in a few months, and a final ruling will take place: reunification, or terminating of his rights…
One of the biggest mistakes that we’ve made was placing the two girls in a bedroom with a TV. As much as we try and enforce limits, they are watching TV all night long. The TV will conveniently be broken this weekend, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m sure it won’t go over well…
This past week, we had the kids once again. Mark gets nominated for sainthood based on what transpired.
On the weekend, I typically go and pick the kids up at about 9am and bring them back to the house. In the meantime, Mark takes the dogs for a walk, or in general gets things settled. Our plan this weekend was to take the kids to the Jelly Belly Factory. We are trying to find things that don’t cost a lot that we think the kids will enjoy.
So, I picked the kids up, and brought them home. We are getting ready to go, and all of sudden, I am overwhelmed with nausea, and run to the bathroom. My face is hot, and I’m throwing up…. Not sure what the deal was, but I was running 101 fever, and couldn’t stop heaving.
I had some old compazine that I found, and took that. Mark bravely said he’d take the kids without me. What an ordeal. I went back to bed, and he tackled entertaining the kids on his own. He was irritated and exhausted by the time he came home, but everyone was all in one piece.
Unfortunately, Jenna and Bobby both wanted to be held at the factory, so he did that at the expense of his rotator cuff. Hopefully, he won’t have to have surgery, but I do think he did some damage.
The kids had an absolute blast and came back with the Jelly Belly paper hats…We had dinner, and put them to bed (with the all night TV marathon), and went to sleep…
Prior to picking up the kids on Saturday morning, we had some other stuff to deal with….
The weekend before, Angel had lost a tooth, and forgotten to put it under her pillow. When she came home on Saturday morning, we told her that Biscuit had been in her room, and had come running down the hallway covered with Fairy Dust! She ran into the bedroom, and there next to the panda that she likes to sleep with was a note from the tooth fairy and some money. Everything was covered in Fairy Dust. The note talked about how she came by and played with Biscuit who was one of her best friends, and that she took the tooth and left the $$. We’d been working on the dog/kid relationship, and Biscuit is now one of their best friends. If only we could say the same for Beau….
On the way back to Antioch on Sunday, Angel kept asking Mark to tell the Fairy story over and over, and over again… We dropped the kids off with the understanding that we would see them the following Saturday….
I had started to get school schedules, and research day care options for the kids. Imagine my surprise when we figured out we need $571 per week worth of day care…. Mark and I had the best of intentions, but the cost of childcare didn’t even enter my mind. I think I’d slipped back 20 years when my friends and family had there kids, and day care was $100 a week or so… After checking our outstanding lottery tickets to see if we’d won the big jackpot, I sent a note to the social workers and told them we had a problem. Mark and I were not in a position to absorb this cost as much as we would have liked to. Plus, the stipend for the kids was not enough to cover this. So unless they could assist us with this problem, we were not going to be able to take custody.
In addition, I was being stonewalled in the set up of schooling for Jenna. Because I didn’t have custody papers, they wouldn’t set anything up for her. It was a very depressing week.
I sent a note to the social workers, and they started working on some options. 3 weeks later, we’re not much closer, but I’m told there is stuff ‘in the mail’ for me that will take care of the childcare etc. We’ll see… We are now scheduled to take custody the day before Thanksgiving….but we will have to see. We do not want to take full custody unless all these details are worked out. I cannot risk my job, as much as I’d like to. We need it to keep a roof over our heads…and I don’t relish the idea of living in my 2000 Toyota Camry…
Also, that week, we received another message from the social worker. We’d been told that Dad’s parental rights were going to be terminated the week before. The SW sent us a note and told us that did not happen, that Dad is apparently working very hard at getting his act together, and had letters from his counselors and therapists attesting to such.
We were a bit taken aback as we were told that it was a 99% done deal. However, our thoughts have always been the best interest of the children. And if Dad gets his act together and takes custody, more power to them. If nothing else, Mark and I have learned a lot about each other. Apparently Dad’s situation is going to be reviewed again in a few months, and a final ruling will take place: reunification, or terminating of his rights…
One of the biggest mistakes that we’ve made was placing the two girls in a bedroom with a TV. As much as we try and enforce limits, they are watching TV all night long. The TV will conveniently be broken this weekend, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m sure it won’t go over well…
This past week, we had the kids once again. Mark gets nominated for sainthood based on what transpired.
On the weekend, I typically go and pick the kids up at about 9am and bring them back to the house. In the meantime, Mark takes the dogs for a walk, or in general gets things settled. Our plan this weekend was to take the kids to the Jelly Belly Factory. We are trying to find things that don’t cost a lot that we think the kids will enjoy.
So, I picked the kids up, and brought them home. We are getting ready to go, and all of sudden, I am overwhelmed with nausea, and run to the bathroom. My face is hot, and I’m throwing up…. Not sure what the deal was, but I was running 101 fever, and couldn’t stop heaving.
I had some old compazine that I found, and took that. Mark bravely said he’d take the kids without me. What an ordeal. I went back to bed, and he tackled entertaining the kids on his own. He was irritated and exhausted by the time he came home, but everyone was all in one piece.
Unfortunately, Jenna and Bobby both wanted to be held at the factory, so he did that at the expense of his rotator cuff. Hopefully, he won’t have to have surgery, but I do think he did some damage.
The kids had an absolute blast and came back with the Jelly Belly paper hats…We had dinner, and put them to bed (with the all night TV marathon), and went to sleep…
Prior to picking up the kids on Saturday morning, we had some other stuff to deal with….
The weekend before, Angel had lost a tooth, and forgotten to put it under her pillow. When she came home on Saturday morning, we told her that Biscuit had been in her room, and had come running down the hallway covered with Fairy Dust! She ran into the bedroom, and there next to the panda that she likes to sleep with was a note from the tooth fairy and some money. Everything was covered in Fairy Dust. The note talked about how she came by and played with Biscuit who was one of her best friends, and that she took the tooth and left the $$. We’d been working on the dog/kid relationship, and Biscuit is now one of their best friends. If only we could say the same for Beau….
On the way back to Antioch on Sunday, Angel kept asking Mark to tell the Fairy story over and over, and over again… We dropped the kids off with the understanding that we would see them the following Saturday….
The Tricks And Treats of It All.....
When we last left off, we had finished our first full weekend with the kids and were exhausted. Prior to that weekend, we’d talked to the kids about Halloween, and Angel said she wanted to be a Cheetah. She had a Cheetah print hoodie, and she was going to wear that.
Mark and I checked our finances, and looked for a Cheetah costume on-line. I found one that was reasonable, but of course it didn’t arrive until the kids had left us the weekend before Halloween. I’d not mentioned to Angel that we’d gotten a costume for her, I wanted it to be a surprise. Imagine our surprise the weekend before Halloween, when she suddenly announced she wanted to be a Princess. The Cheetah costume was already on our way to us, and shelling our $ for another costume wasn’t in the budget.
I think I had accidentally put the Princess notion in her little head when I showed her my tiara collection, and let her try some on. Yes, believe it or not, I actually have a Tiara collection! Several years ago, I was able to travel to London and Paris with my friend Terry. We arrived several days after the Tiara exhibit was at the Victoria and Albert museum. We were bummed that we’d missed it, and for whatever reason, I’d gotten a burr in my saddle and came home with about 10 different tiaras that I’d bought around London. I guess I’m just a princess at heart…
Anyway, the Tuesday before Halloween, her costume arrived. I wanted to drive it out to her in Antioch and explain why it wasn’t a Princess costume, and hope she’d like it anyway. I also wanted to try on some costume options for the little ones that our neighbors were letting us borrow.
Now, the current Foster Parent had told our social worker the week before that she would prefer that we don’t see the kids during the school week, as they are too wound up when we drop them off. I can understand that, and she has to live with getting them settled after we leave, but we are trying to transition here.
I had talked to the social worker and told her that we wanted to come out and just meet with the kids briefly, explain to Angel about her costume, and be on our way. We also needed to get her costume to her before Friday, as I had called her school and they were having a costume parade in the morning. In addition, I knew the kids were having a visit with their bio dad on Friday afternoon, and thought he might want to see them in costume as well. I expected to be at the house 30 minutes tops, because I didn’t want to disrupt anything…
Anyway, the social worker called me back about 30 minutes later, and appeared as frustrated as we were. She said the foster parent said that I was to leave the costume on the porch, not to ring the doorbell or anything, and she would make sure Angel got the costume. So…I was left to drive out to Antioch, and left to costume on the porch….
I had taken Friday off because her school was allowing Mark and I to come to her parade at school. We actually ended up finding her classroom before the parade, and she saw us through the window in her little costume. She was so cute and so excited that we were there to see her. Even her teacher told us that she was talking about us… We stayed for the parade, and took lots of pictures.
Friday evening I was picking the kids up from social services as they were having a visit with their dad. He had made them each a nice treat bag, and they were very excited to show me their goodies. We then headed back home, to start the trick or treating…
Mark was going to stay and pass out candy, and I was going to take the kids out. One of our wonderful neighbors had loaned us a stroller, and we packed Bobby in that, and then headed out. We stopped first next door, where our neighbors had special treats for the kids…a giant Hershey Bar! The rest of the kids in the neighborhood were gathering to do a mass trick or treat run with a couple of the parents, so we joined in. Everytime we stopped at a neighbors house, they really made our kids feel VERY SPECIAL. Each had a special treat for them, be it a glow necklace, a treat basket, or a giant candy bar. Very generous!
Jenna is a dasher, and it’s pitch black outside. I’ve not mastered the ‘mommy juggle’ yet, and was not able to hold onto her, and push the stroller at the same time. One of the other parents volunteered to push the stroller, while I took Jenna by the hand, and Angel ran off with the other kids. We started weaving our way through the neighborhood, and tended to get stopped at almost every house with people asking questions about the kids. Imagine my surprise when we stepped off the curb at the last house on the court, and there were no kids in sight. The group of neighbors and kids we were with had all but disappeared and were no where to be found. That meant Bobby and Angel were not with us, and it was just me and Jenna. At first I started to somewhat freak, and then realized that the kids were with responsible parents, and I just needed to take a chill pill. My bigger fear is that they would realize that I wasn’t with them, and freak out on the parents that were there. Thankfully, that didn’t happen…
Awhile later, the troops came marching back up the court with all of their loot. The kids had a great time, and I was told by the other parents that they were very polite. We got the kids back into the house, and off to bed to start another day.
The troops rose as normal at 5am, and we were off. Bobby has managed to figure out how to climb out of his porta crib, so that’s been a joy. Mark and I took turns ‘listening’ for him to climb out and put him back to bed.
That particular weekend, we were taking the kids back on Saturday evening. We had put Sunday aside to do some kid proofing, so Saturday we headed them back to Antioch. They are getting better about being dropped off as they know that eventually we will have them with us full time. Still, Jenna has a little crying fit that I feel bad for the other family for having to endure…
After dropping the kids off, Mark and I headed back home. We got in and let the dogs in. Biscuit immediately found a poopy diaper (I’m not sure from where), and proceeded to dive under our bed with it. Mark and I were exhausted, and were chasing her trying to get it away from her. It made our bedroom stink to high heaven, and all I could think of was “Please God, do not get poop on the carpet under the bed!” You see…we have about 4” of clearance under the bed, so we cannot fit under there. In addition, the bed weighs close to 1,000 lbs…it’s heavy. If poop got on the carpet under there, then there’s really no easy way to clean it. We’d have to disassemble the bed, and go from there….
In any event, the Lord was hearing our prayer, and for whatever reason, I was able to extend my arm far enough to pull the diaper out from under the bed. There was no poo on the carpet, but Biscuit’s face was another story. We gave her a quick bath and collapsed into bed wondering how our next adventure would turn out…..
Mark and I checked our finances, and looked for a Cheetah costume on-line. I found one that was reasonable, but of course it didn’t arrive until the kids had left us the weekend before Halloween. I’d not mentioned to Angel that we’d gotten a costume for her, I wanted it to be a surprise. Imagine our surprise the weekend before Halloween, when she suddenly announced she wanted to be a Princess. The Cheetah costume was already on our way to us, and shelling our $ for another costume wasn’t in the budget.
I think I had accidentally put the Princess notion in her little head when I showed her my tiara collection, and let her try some on. Yes, believe it or not, I actually have a Tiara collection! Several years ago, I was able to travel to London and Paris with my friend Terry. We arrived several days after the Tiara exhibit was at the Victoria and Albert museum. We were bummed that we’d missed it, and for whatever reason, I’d gotten a burr in my saddle and came home with about 10 different tiaras that I’d bought around London. I guess I’m just a princess at heart…
Anyway, the Tuesday before Halloween, her costume arrived. I wanted to drive it out to her in Antioch and explain why it wasn’t a Princess costume, and hope she’d like it anyway. I also wanted to try on some costume options for the little ones that our neighbors were letting us borrow.
Now, the current Foster Parent had told our social worker the week before that she would prefer that we don’t see the kids during the school week, as they are too wound up when we drop them off. I can understand that, and she has to live with getting them settled after we leave, but we are trying to transition here.
I had talked to the social worker and told her that we wanted to come out and just meet with the kids briefly, explain to Angel about her costume, and be on our way. We also needed to get her costume to her before Friday, as I had called her school and they were having a costume parade in the morning. In addition, I knew the kids were having a visit with their bio dad on Friday afternoon, and thought he might want to see them in costume as well. I expected to be at the house 30 minutes tops, because I didn’t want to disrupt anything…
Anyway, the social worker called me back about 30 minutes later, and appeared as frustrated as we were. She said the foster parent said that I was to leave the costume on the porch, not to ring the doorbell or anything, and she would make sure Angel got the costume. So…I was left to drive out to Antioch, and left to costume on the porch….
I had taken Friday off because her school was allowing Mark and I to come to her parade at school. We actually ended up finding her classroom before the parade, and she saw us through the window in her little costume. She was so cute and so excited that we were there to see her. Even her teacher told us that she was talking about us… We stayed for the parade, and took lots of pictures.
Friday evening I was picking the kids up from social services as they were having a visit with their dad. He had made them each a nice treat bag, and they were very excited to show me their goodies. We then headed back home, to start the trick or treating…
Mark was going to stay and pass out candy, and I was going to take the kids out. One of our wonderful neighbors had loaned us a stroller, and we packed Bobby in that, and then headed out. We stopped first next door, where our neighbors had special treats for the kids…a giant Hershey Bar! The rest of the kids in the neighborhood were gathering to do a mass trick or treat run with a couple of the parents, so we joined in. Everytime we stopped at a neighbors house, they really made our kids feel VERY SPECIAL. Each had a special treat for them, be it a glow necklace, a treat basket, or a giant candy bar. Very generous!
Jenna is a dasher, and it’s pitch black outside. I’ve not mastered the ‘mommy juggle’ yet, and was not able to hold onto her, and push the stroller at the same time. One of the other parents volunteered to push the stroller, while I took Jenna by the hand, and Angel ran off with the other kids. We started weaving our way through the neighborhood, and tended to get stopped at almost every house with people asking questions about the kids. Imagine my surprise when we stepped off the curb at the last house on the court, and there were no kids in sight. The group of neighbors and kids we were with had all but disappeared and were no where to be found. That meant Bobby and Angel were not with us, and it was just me and Jenna. At first I started to somewhat freak, and then realized that the kids were with responsible parents, and I just needed to take a chill pill. My bigger fear is that they would realize that I wasn’t with them, and freak out on the parents that were there. Thankfully, that didn’t happen…
Awhile later, the troops came marching back up the court with all of their loot. The kids had a great time, and I was told by the other parents that they were very polite. We got the kids back into the house, and off to bed to start another day.
The troops rose as normal at 5am, and we were off. Bobby has managed to figure out how to climb out of his porta crib, so that’s been a joy. Mark and I took turns ‘listening’ for him to climb out and put him back to bed.
That particular weekend, we were taking the kids back on Saturday evening. We had put Sunday aside to do some kid proofing, so Saturday we headed them back to Antioch. They are getting better about being dropped off as they know that eventually we will have them with us full time. Still, Jenna has a little crying fit that I feel bad for the other family for having to endure…
After dropping the kids off, Mark and I headed back home. We got in and let the dogs in. Biscuit immediately found a poopy diaper (I’m not sure from where), and proceeded to dive under our bed with it. Mark and I were exhausted, and were chasing her trying to get it away from her. It made our bedroom stink to high heaven, and all I could think of was “Please God, do not get poop on the carpet under the bed!” You see…we have about 4” of clearance under the bed, so we cannot fit under there. In addition, the bed weighs close to 1,000 lbs…it’s heavy. If poop got on the carpet under there, then there’s really no easy way to clean it. We’d have to disassemble the bed, and go from there….
In any event, the Lord was hearing our prayer, and for whatever reason, I was able to extend my arm far enough to pull the diaper out from under the bed. There was no poo on the carpet, but Biscuit’s face was another story. We gave her a quick bath and collapsed into bed wondering how our next adventure would turn out…..
Monday, November 3, 2008
2 Adults + 2 Dogs + 3 Kids=Chaos
Dear Family, Friends, and Cyber Buddies-
Wanted to post for you all an update on how things with the kids are going. The weekend of Oct 24-26, was the first overnight visit that we had, and consisted of the 4 biggies: Bites. Burns, Cuts, & Blood…I was glad there wasn’t a team of locust on the horizon…
The weekend was an eye opener and made us realize how unprepared we were for parenthood. Most people have some time to adjust to building a family with 3 kids. We basically had a week…. By the time we dropped the kids off on Sunday, I was seriously doubting that Mark and I would be able to handle everything. I was at the end of my rope, and could not imagine getting through this. I’m sort of dumping all of this out there as it actually helps me deal with all the emotions that you go through, as well as educating others that might be thinking about doing what we are doing…
First off, a little background: Our first overnighter was supposed to actually be Halloween, however we’d gotten a call earlier in the week to see if we thought we’d be ready for an overnighter Oct 24 weekend. We still had A LOT of kid proofing that we needed to have done around the house so initially proposed a 2pm pick up on Saturday. Not sure how it happened, but before we knew it, we’d agreed to a 5pm FRIDAY pick-up with a return on Sunday at 3pm.
Because of the earlier pick-up, we were not able to completely kid-proof the house, which will become important later on…
I drove out to Antioch to pick up the kids. The current foster mom had a bag packed with their clothes and such. Picked up that and the kids, and got them packed in the car. About 5 miles away, I realized that I didn’t think I put the bag with their clothes and such in the car. I pulled over, and sure enough, it wasn’t in there… I had left it on the sidewalk because I was so worried about getting the middle child strapped in…As I told the kids, I was losing my marbles.
We turned around, and headed back to the house to fetch the bag. I pulled down the street, and the bag was gone. I said a quick prayer, and hoped that the current family had seen it, and brought it in, and that it wasn’t stolen. I went up to the door, and sure enough, the foster dad was there with the bag, laughing at me. I threw it in the trunk and were on our way..
We tried to keep our plans this weekend a bit simple: We were going to go to get pumpkins on Saturday, and then attend a school carnival. On Sunday we were going to a Fall Festival at our neighbor’s church.
We arrive home on Friday and I hustled the kids into the house. Mark wasn’t home yet, so I got the kids settled. During the day while we are at work, the dogs are locked in the backyard, with access to the office for shelter. When we come home from work, I typically let them in, they run around, and then settle down.
We’d done a slow introduction to the dogs the Saturday before, so I thought all would be good. I was going to let them in, and all ‘should’ have been okay. Unfortunately, it wasn’t..
The dogs ran in, and Jenna and Angel immediately started screaming…this freaked the dogs out, freaked the kids out more, and Beau sort of lunged at Angel. I immediately threw both dogs outside, and calmed the kids down. Not good, as we have big issues if the dogs and kids don’t get along. Surprisingly enough, none of this fazed Bobby in the slightest. He watched the whole thing, and didn’t make one noise. Simply sat at the table and colored oblivious to what was going on around him (thank God).
Angel insisted Beau had bit her, but I couldn’t find ANYTHING on her…no mark, bruise, teeth marks…nothing.
Mark came home shortly after with muzzles, and we put them on the dogs, and let them back in. Gradually, we were able to take Biscuit’s muzzle off for extended periods, so the kids began getting used to her. I asked Angel what she was afraid of, and she said the big black spot on her head was scary….
To distract the kids from their earlier trauma, when Mark came home, I had Angel help me with dinner. We were cooking chicken fettuccini alfredo, so she was helping me sauté some of the chicken breasts. Unfortunately, she turned around, and her thumb hit the side of the pan, and she got a small burn. Now, I’m batting a thousand. What other trauma can I inflict???…We wrapped a cube of ice in a towel, and had her hold it on there. It was red, but not bad at all. She’d forgotten about it by the time we sat down to eat.
We are trying to set a schedule with the kids, and try and stick as closely to their current schedule as possible to avoid major disruptions that their current foster family would have to deal with when we bring them back. That being said, they need to be in bed by 8, so we need to be done with meals to take baths at 7, so need to eat at the latest by 5:30 or 6.
After dinner, Mark had to run an errand, so our friend helped me start baths. We made the big mistake the week before of introducing Mr. Bubble, so baths last longer than intended. I think we will keep the Mr. B for weekends only as I can see that it would be a beast during the week…
We got them bathed, diapered and ready for bed. By this time, Mark and I are ready to collapse as well. That was not to be, as Mark and I had one more task to take care of…
As mentioned previously, this whole thing has happened pretty quickly for us, and we aren’t quite prepared with everything. The week before, we’d gone to Target and stocked up on diapers, wipes, etc. However, we don’t have changing table, and didn’t really have a diaper/wipey/changey designation area. It happens where it happens…. So when getting Bobby ready, I changed his diaper, set the dirty one on the counter in the bathroom to throw away, but got hopelessly side tracked. Biscuit on the other hand, was entirely focused on the dirty diaper she’d managed to get to, and was happily trotting down the highway with her new ‘treat’. She dove under the table as per her normal MO when she’s gotten a hold of something she shouldn’t have. Mark and I tried to corner her, and chased her back and forth. Part of me wanted to say screw it, and go to bed, but wiser heads prevailed. We finally caught her and wrestled the remnants away.. Note to self: Make sure diapers get to the garbage! Finally we were off to bed exhausted, wondering how the rest of the weekend would progress.
We didn’t have to wait long, as at approximately 5am, the troops were up. I swear I felt like I was in boot camp…
Bobby managed to have an atomic pee and poop that blew through every layer of everything. I got him cleaned up, and then he toddled out with his sisters.
Toys, crayons, books, etc were immediately pulled out and spread over the family room floor. I was trying to keep them on one side of the house so that Mark and the dogs could sleep a little bit later.
They were hungry, so we started to discuss breakfast options. Big mistake…there should be no options…this is what you’re eating! Normally on the weekends, Mark and I do make breakfast together, and sit at the table and read the paper and chat. In any event, I did my best to tackle pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. I’m working the grill, toaster, etc…but I didn’t feel like I was making any progress. Every time I turned around, it was more juice please, can I have another pancake, blah, blah, blah. One of my favorite movies, is A Christmas Story. In that movie, there’s a scene where the mom is cooking breakfast, and every time she turns around to sit down and eat, someone asks for something else. The narrator says that she hadn’t had a hot meal in years…. I was totally living in that moment, and unable to even run to the bathroom.
A bit later, Mark came out and took over, and was going to make some eggs for himself. Unfortunately, when he opened the refrigerator, the carton of eggs came crashing to the floor. His dream of the ultimate omelet would be just a dream. It was interesting, because Angel asked if Mark was going to get in trouble for breaking the eggs. We said no, why would you say that. She then told us a story of how Jenna had broken some eggs at her mom’s house, and Angel got punished for it. We tried to explain to her that accidents happen, and he didn’t do it on purpose, and there was no reason to punish anyone. She helped me get the mess cleaned up, and then I went back to bed for about an hr to decompress while Mark took over the reins.
As Mark was at the table with Angel eating, she asked if she and her siblings could come and live with us. Mark asked her why she wanted to live here. She told him that nobody is mean to little kids around here….
We finally finished cleaning up and got everything together, and headed to the pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins. They had a little petting zoo, and the kids enjoyed that. We picked out a few pumpkins and put them in our wagon. We then packed up the kids and headed home…
The kids were out in the backyard helping Mark water the plants. When they came back in the house, Jenna slipped on the water, and skinned her knee…just another trauma of the day. It was fine, and didn’t require a band-aid or anything…
After lunch, we had planned on going to the Elementary School Carnival that was going on around the corner from our house. We had lunch, and then put Bobby down for a nap which he was trying to fight off with all his might. I finally went and lay down with him and sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in his ear. He finally fell asleep.
The girls were getting antsy and wanted to go to the carnival, so I left Bobby with Mark, and we headed to the school. On our way, we met one of the kids next door who’d won a goldfish…I prayed that booth would be closed by the time we got there…
We got to the carnival, and forked over some dough for tickets. I artfully dodged the gold fish booth, and we made our way to the cake walk. Angel did the cake walk about 4 times, and didn’t win anything. The world was going to stop rotating because she hadn’t won a cake… She was totally bummed, and we had a little talk about how you can’t always win, but it was fun to try.
I finally got her settled, when a fireman came up to her (they had a fire truck at the carnival) and asked her what was wrong. Of course the waterworks started again….I gave the fireman a bad time for pickin’ at the scab, I thought I had healed. He waved and said anytime! It was actually quite funny…
I tried to deflect Angel’s attention from the cake walk, by spotting the SpongeBob booth. There were teachers sticking their heads through the SpongeBob cut out, and kids could throw wet sponges at them. Angel and Jenna took turns and had a blast. They won some little prizes. We then moved on to the blow up slide…
About this time, Mark and Bobby still hadn’t appeared. We’d put Bobby down at about 10:30. It was going on 3:30… I called Mark, and he said the Bobby had just woken up, and they were on their way to the carnival. Of course in the back of my mind, some ominous music has begun to play….the boy slept for 5 hours…
When walking back from the carnival, we passed by our neighbor’s house on the corner and stopped by. They had asked us to come by so they could meet the kids. They are wonderful people and stood outside and chatted while the kids played in their fountain. Our neighbor said that she hadn’t decorated their house for Christmas for about 3 years…it just wasn’t worth the hassle. She said that this year, she can’t wait to get her Santa Village set up, and have the kids come over to see it. It was very touching that they inspired her in that way.
Now, I’d had these delusions of grandeur that I was going to make all of these homemade meals for the kids. And frankly, after rising with the troops at 5am, the thought of actually cooking a meal was wholly unappealing. That being said, Angel and I took off to Safeway where they were having hot meatloaf on sale for $5. Threw that in the cart, along with some mashed potatoes, and called it a day.
Everyone chowed down, and then it was time to make cookies for dessert. Angel said she’d never made them before, so I had her help me figure out the measurements, and read the recipe. Some of the cookies got a little well done as I was herding the kids on the other side of the house, but they weren’t bad. Each kid had a warm cookie and glass of milk and then off to bed. To say Mark and I were exhausted is a GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT.
I had mentioned before that everything had happened so quickly, so we have not put up all the security locks and such. Because of that, we have to be on high alert at all times. That plus the dog situation had my stress level over the edge. Now, throw into the mix a 2 year old boy who had a 5 hr nap, and I realize I am screwed.
Bobby normally sleeps in a crib, and we don’t have one, so were just using the bed in one of the guest rooms. Unfortunately, that means the little guy can get up and roam the halls at all hours. Luckily, our room is right next to his, so I could hear when he’d get up. That also means that I wasn’t sleeping.
I’d get up, put him back to bed, and lay down with him until he feel asleep. Seems like the minute I’d go back to my own bed, I’d hear the door open… Anyway, the final time was about 2:30 am. I put him back to bed, and waited for him to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I was the one doing the sleeping, and woke up a few minutes later, to an empty bed, and the bedroom door open. I went out on patrol, and found him in one of the bathrooms going through the cabinets under the sink. This about put me over the edge…we need to get this place baby boobie-trapped as soon as possible. I can’t function on DEFCON1 for extended periods.
We finally got him back to bed the final time about 4. The troops rose again at 5, and we started the cycle all over..
On Sunday, our neighbors had invited us to the Fall Festival at their church. It sounded very family friendly, so we happily accepted. The plan was to leave directly from that and take the kids back to Antioch. They were supposed to be back there at 3pm.
As we are driving to the church, I happened to look in the rear view mirror, and Angel had a little bit of blood dripping out of her nose. I had my inadequate (and I mean INADEQUATE) make shift diaper bag with just a handful of wipes, so passed those back to her. Soon it was a gusher, and there was blood everywhere. Mark and I were at our wits end. We got to the church, and dug through the trunk of the car, and found a pack of napkins that we used to stop the bleeding.
I had Mark take the two youngest, so that I could help the oldest get cleaned up. Finally after about 10 minutes, the bleeding stopped, and we were able to get going and enjoy the fun.
The Fall Fest was awesome and the kids had a blast! They got to actually be kids, and played in the bounce house, and on the slide. Soon it was time to take the kids back. There were lots of tears, and frankly we were all exhausted.
I honestly wondered if we could deal with this on a day in, day out basis. As I drove back to Antioch, I could watch all 3 kids in my rear view mirror sound asleep. Soon, my dear hubby squeezed my hand and drifted off to sleep as well.
The reality of what we are doing continues to sink in. We worry about finances, day care, dogs, etc. Will this all work? Are we doing the right thing? Are we too old to be tackling these responsibilities? I look at there little faces full of innocence and realize that these poor kids just happened to be born to parents that made poor decisions.
We pulled up to their current foster home, and woke them up and took them to the door. There were lots of tears as the kids wanted to stay with us. We explained that wasn’t possible yet but we were working on it.
I walked down the path back to the car, and I heard the current foster parent say something to the little girl. The little one ran after me with big tears in her eyes and said that she didn’t want to stay…she wanted to come with us. I tried to dry her tears and told her that there were many other good times to have, and that we would see her within the week. She gave me a big hug and kiss, and resigned herself to go back in the house she’d run out of.
Mark and I climbed back into the car, and like a cow with the barn insight, we headed home and collapsed.
Our next visit with the kids would be on Halloween....
Wanted to post for you all an update on how things with the kids are going. The weekend of Oct 24-26, was the first overnight visit that we had, and consisted of the 4 biggies: Bites. Burns, Cuts, & Blood…I was glad there wasn’t a team of locust on the horizon…
The weekend was an eye opener and made us realize how unprepared we were for parenthood. Most people have some time to adjust to building a family with 3 kids. We basically had a week…. By the time we dropped the kids off on Sunday, I was seriously doubting that Mark and I would be able to handle everything. I was at the end of my rope, and could not imagine getting through this. I’m sort of dumping all of this out there as it actually helps me deal with all the emotions that you go through, as well as educating others that might be thinking about doing what we are doing…
First off, a little background: Our first overnighter was supposed to actually be Halloween, however we’d gotten a call earlier in the week to see if we thought we’d be ready for an overnighter Oct 24 weekend. We still had A LOT of kid proofing that we needed to have done around the house so initially proposed a 2pm pick up on Saturday. Not sure how it happened, but before we knew it, we’d agreed to a 5pm FRIDAY pick-up with a return on Sunday at 3pm.
Because of the earlier pick-up, we were not able to completely kid-proof the house, which will become important later on…
I drove out to Antioch to pick up the kids. The current foster mom had a bag packed with their clothes and such. Picked up that and the kids, and got them packed in the car. About 5 miles away, I realized that I didn’t think I put the bag with their clothes and such in the car. I pulled over, and sure enough, it wasn’t in there… I had left it on the sidewalk because I was so worried about getting the middle child strapped in…As I told the kids, I was losing my marbles.
We turned around, and headed back to the house to fetch the bag. I pulled down the street, and the bag was gone. I said a quick prayer, and hoped that the current family had seen it, and brought it in, and that it wasn’t stolen. I went up to the door, and sure enough, the foster dad was there with the bag, laughing at me. I threw it in the trunk and were on our way..
We tried to keep our plans this weekend a bit simple: We were going to go to get pumpkins on Saturday, and then attend a school carnival. On Sunday we were going to a Fall Festival at our neighbor’s church.
We arrive home on Friday and I hustled the kids into the house. Mark wasn’t home yet, so I got the kids settled. During the day while we are at work, the dogs are locked in the backyard, with access to the office for shelter. When we come home from work, I typically let them in, they run around, and then settle down.
We’d done a slow introduction to the dogs the Saturday before, so I thought all would be good. I was going to let them in, and all ‘should’ have been okay. Unfortunately, it wasn’t..
The dogs ran in, and Jenna and Angel immediately started screaming…this freaked the dogs out, freaked the kids out more, and Beau sort of lunged at Angel. I immediately threw both dogs outside, and calmed the kids down. Not good, as we have big issues if the dogs and kids don’t get along. Surprisingly enough, none of this fazed Bobby in the slightest. He watched the whole thing, and didn’t make one noise. Simply sat at the table and colored oblivious to what was going on around him (thank God).
Angel insisted Beau had bit her, but I couldn’t find ANYTHING on her…no mark, bruise, teeth marks…nothing.
Mark came home shortly after with muzzles, and we put them on the dogs, and let them back in. Gradually, we were able to take Biscuit’s muzzle off for extended periods, so the kids began getting used to her. I asked Angel what she was afraid of, and she said the big black spot on her head was scary….
To distract the kids from their earlier trauma, when Mark came home, I had Angel help me with dinner. We were cooking chicken fettuccini alfredo, so she was helping me sauté some of the chicken breasts. Unfortunately, she turned around, and her thumb hit the side of the pan, and she got a small burn. Now, I’m batting a thousand. What other trauma can I inflict???…We wrapped a cube of ice in a towel, and had her hold it on there. It was red, but not bad at all. She’d forgotten about it by the time we sat down to eat.
We are trying to set a schedule with the kids, and try and stick as closely to their current schedule as possible to avoid major disruptions that their current foster family would have to deal with when we bring them back. That being said, they need to be in bed by 8, so we need to be done with meals to take baths at 7, so need to eat at the latest by 5:30 or 6.
After dinner, Mark had to run an errand, so our friend helped me start baths. We made the big mistake the week before of introducing Mr. Bubble, so baths last longer than intended. I think we will keep the Mr. B for weekends only as I can see that it would be a beast during the week…
We got them bathed, diapered and ready for bed. By this time, Mark and I are ready to collapse as well. That was not to be, as Mark and I had one more task to take care of…
As mentioned previously, this whole thing has happened pretty quickly for us, and we aren’t quite prepared with everything. The week before, we’d gone to Target and stocked up on diapers, wipes, etc. However, we don’t have changing table, and didn’t really have a diaper/wipey/changey designation area. It happens where it happens…. So when getting Bobby ready, I changed his diaper, set the dirty one on the counter in the bathroom to throw away, but got hopelessly side tracked. Biscuit on the other hand, was entirely focused on the dirty diaper she’d managed to get to, and was happily trotting down the highway with her new ‘treat’. She dove under the table as per her normal MO when she’s gotten a hold of something she shouldn’t have. Mark and I tried to corner her, and chased her back and forth. Part of me wanted to say screw it, and go to bed, but wiser heads prevailed. We finally caught her and wrestled the remnants away.. Note to self: Make sure diapers get to the garbage! Finally we were off to bed exhausted, wondering how the rest of the weekend would progress.
We didn’t have to wait long, as at approximately 5am, the troops were up. I swear I felt like I was in boot camp…
Bobby managed to have an atomic pee and poop that blew through every layer of everything. I got him cleaned up, and then he toddled out with his sisters.
Toys, crayons, books, etc were immediately pulled out and spread over the family room floor. I was trying to keep them on one side of the house so that Mark and the dogs could sleep a little bit later.
They were hungry, so we started to discuss breakfast options. Big mistake…there should be no options…this is what you’re eating! Normally on the weekends, Mark and I do make breakfast together, and sit at the table and read the paper and chat. In any event, I did my best to tackle pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. I’m working the grill, toaster, etc…but I didn’t feel like I was making any progress. Every time I turned around, it was more juice please, can I have another pancake, blah, blah, blah. One of my favorite movies, is A Christmas Story. In that movie, there’s a scene where the mom is cooking breakfast, and every time she turns around to sit down and eat, someone asks for something else. The narrator says that she hadn’t had a hot meal in years…. I was totally living in that moment, and unable to even run to the bathroom.
A bit later, Mark came out and took over, and was going to make some eggs for himself. Unfortunately, when he opened the refrigerator, the carton of eggs came crashing to the floor. His dream of the ultimate omelet would be just a dream. It was interesting, because Angel asked if Mark was going to get in trouble for breaking the eggs. We said no, why would you say that. She then told us a story of how Jenna had broken some eggs at her mom’s house, and Angel got punished for it. We tried to explain to her that accidents happen, and he didn’t do it on purpose, and there was no reason to punish anyone. She helped me get the mess cleaned up, and then I went back to bed for about an hr to decompress while Mark took over the reins.
As Mark was at the table with Angel eating, she asked if she and her siblings could come and live with us. Mark asked her why she wanted to live here. She told him that nobody is mean to little kids around here….
We finally finished cleaning up and got everything together, and headed to the pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins. They had a little petting zoo, and the kids enjoyed that. We picked out a few pumpkins and put them in our wagon. We then packed up the kids and headed home…
The kids were out in the backyard helping Mark water the plants. When they came back in the house, Jenna slipped on the water, and skinned her knee…just another trauma of the day. It was fine, and didn’t require a band-aid or anything…
After lunch, we had planned on going to the Elementary School Carnival that was going on around the corner from our house. We had lunch, and then put Bobby down for a nap which he was trying to fight off with all his might. I finally went and lay down with him and sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in his ear. He finally fell asleep.
The girls were getting antsy and wanted to go to the carnival, so I left Bobby with Mark, and we headed to the school. On our way, we met one of the kids next door who’d won a goldfish…I prayed that booth would be closed by the time we got there…
We got to the carnival, and forked over some dough for tickets. I artfully dodged the gold fish booth, and we made our way to the cake walk. Angel did the cake walk about 4 times, and didn’t win anything. The world was going to stop rotating because she hadn’t won a cake… She was totally bummed, and we had a little talk about how you can’t always win, but it was fun to try.
I finally got her settled, when a fireman came up to her (they had a fire truck at the carnival) and asked her what was wrong. Of course the waterworks started again….I gave the fireman a bad time for pickin’ at the scab, I thought I had healed. He waved and said anytime! It was actually quite funny…
I tried to deflect Angel’s attention from the cake walk, by spotting the SpongeBob booth. There were teachers sticking their heads through the SpongeBob cut out, and kids could throw wet sponges at them. Angel and Jenna took turns and had a blast. They won some little prizes. We then moved on to the blow up slide…
About this time, Mark and Bobby still hadn’t appeared. We’d put Bobby down at about 10:30. It was going on 3:30… I called Mark, and he said the Bobby had just woken up, and they were on their way to the carnival. Of course in the back of my mind, some ominous music has begun to play….the boy slept for 5 hours…
When walking back from the carnival, we passed by our neighbor’s house on the corner and stopped by. They had asked us to come by so they could meet the kids. They are wonderful people and stood outside and chatted while the kids played in their fountain. Our neighbor said that she hadn’t decorated their house for Christmas for about 3 years…it just wasn’t worth the hassle. She said that this year, she can’t wait to get her Santa Village set up, and have the kids come over to see it. It was very touching that they inspired her in that way.
Now, I’d had these delusions of grandeur that I was going to make all of these homemade meals for the kids. And frankly, after rising with the troops at 5am, the thought of actually cooking a meal was wholly unappealing. That being said, Angel and I took off to Safeway where they were having hot meatloaf on sale for $5. Threw that in the cart, along with some mashed potatoes, and called it a day.
Everyone chowed down, and then it was time to make cookies for dessert. Angel said she’d never made them before, so I had her help me figure out the measurements, and read the recipe. Some of the cookies got a little well done as I was herding the kids on the other side of the house, but they weren’t bad. Each kid had a warm cookie and glass of milk and then off to bed. To say Mark and I were exhausted is a GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT.
I had mentioned before that everything had happened so quickly, so we have not put up all the security locks and such. Because of that, we have to be on high alert at all times. That plus the dog situation had my stress level over the edge. Now, throw into the mix a 2 year old boy who had a 5 hr nap, and I realize I am screwed.
Bobby normally sleeps in a crib, and we don’t have one, so were just using the bed in one of the guest rooms. Unfortunately, that means the little guy can get up and roam the halls at all hours. Luckily, our room is right next to his, so I could hear when he’d get up. That also means that I wasn’t sleeping.
I’d get up, put him back to bed, and lay down with him until he feel asleep. Seems like the minute I’d go back to my own bed, I’d hear the door open… Anyway, the final time was about 2:30 am. I put him back to bed, and waited for him to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I was the one doing the sleeping, and woke up a few minutes later, to an empty bed, and the bedroom door open. I went out on patrol, and found him in one of the bathrooms going through the cabinets under the sink. This about put me over the edge…we need to get this place baby boobie-trapped as soon as possible. I can’t function on DEFCON1 for extended periods.
We finally got him back to bed the final time about 4. The troops rose again at 5, and we started the cycle all over..
On Sunday, our neighbors had invited us to the Fall Festival at their church. It sounded very family friendly, so we happily accepted. The plan was to leave directly from that and take the kids back to Antioch. They were supposed to be back there at 3pm.
As we are driving to the church, I happened to look in the rear view mirror, and Angel had a little bit of blood dripping out of her nose. I had my inadequate (and I mean INADEQUATE) make shift diaper bag with just a handful of wipes, so passed those back to her. Soon it was a gusher, and there was blood everywhere. Mark and I were at our wits end. We got to the church, and dug through the trunk of the car, and found a pack of napkins that we used to stop the bleeding.
I had Mark take the two youngest, so that I could help the oldest get cleaned up. Finally after about 10 minutes, the bleeding stopped, and we were able to get going and enjoy the fun.
The Fall Fest was awesome and the kids had a blast! They got to actually be kids, and played in the bounce house, and on the slide. Soon it was time to take the kids back. There were lots of tears, and frankly we were all exhausted.
I honestly wondered if we could deal with this on a day in, day out basis. As I drove back to Antioch, I could watch all 3 kids in my rear view mirror sound asleep. Soon, my dear hubby squeezed my hand and drifted off to sleep as well.
The reality of what we are doing continues to sink in. We worry about finances, day care, dogs, etc. Will this all work? Are we doing the right thing? Are we too old to be tackling these responsibilities? I look at there little faces full of innocence and realize that these poor kids just happened to be born to parents that made poor decisions.
We pulled up to their current foster home, and woke them up and took them to the door. There were lots of tears as the kids wanted to stay with us. We explained that wasn’t possible yet but we were working on it.
I walked down the path back to the car, and I heard the current foster parent say something to the little girl. The little one ran after me with big tears in her eyes and said that she didn’t want to stay…she wanted to come with us. I tried to dry her tears and told her that there were many other good times to have, and that we would see her within the week. She gave me a big hug and kiss, and resigned herself to go back in the house she’d run out of.
Mark and I climbed back into the car, and like a cow with the barn insight, we headed home and collapsed.
Our next visit with the kids would be on Halloween....
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