Oy Vey.....

Disclaimer: This is a long overdue post, so sit back with a beverage, and enjoy the ride….

I’ve not had time to blog for quite some time, as LOTS of things have been happening over the last couple of months, and frankly, Mark and I have been very frustrated…

To re-cap, when Mark and I agreed to take on the care of these children, it was based upon information that the social workers had either told us, or we read in their reports. Unfortunately, some of what we were told is turning out not to be true….

Below are some of the things we were told:

The mother’s rights for the children have already been terminated. In reality, we found out in January that they had not, and there are no current plans to do so.

The father’s rights would be terminated in December. In reality, his rights were actually EXTENDED an additional 6 months (until end of April).

For family holidays (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc), we will not be required to make sure the kids have a visit with their bio families. Those of you that know us know that we are usually hosting families for the holidays. In reality, we’ve had to shuttle the kids around to some sort of visit with dad or grandma during the holiday, including leaving our own guests to do so…….

While we’ve found these things frustrating, we’ve been trying to work through them. Unfortunately, things haven’t gotten better in that regard.

First off, dad’s visits have now moved to consistently every other weekend, from Friday at 6pm to Sunday at 6pm. However, dad does not have a vehicle that can fit all 3 kids, so we’ve had to drop them off at his apt, and pick them up. We don’t mind, but it just feels at times like we’re doing all the work.

Don’t get me wrong….Mark and I are enjoying our weekends alone…it gives us time to reconnect and rejuvenate. But at the same time….the kids come back, and a lot of the behaviors we’ve taught or reinforced are gone when they are returned. We ALWAYS have behavior issue for about 4 days after their return. Then we get about a week of ‘normal’ behavior, and then they go back and we start over again. Very frustrating.

We see the kids make such great progress, and take great steps, and see great potential…all to go back to square one again, and again.

The other thing that’s happened, which I think I mentioned before is that mom has ‘dropped out of the sky’ and was in rehab, so the court ordered a visit. The kids were looking forward to the visit for a few days, and honestly, from our perspective, it was a nightmare.

Initially, we had to meet the SW at a neutral location, and she was to take the kids for a 1 hr visit and bring them back to me. The first issue was we were supposed to meet at 4pm. Normally, I work until 4:30, and by the time I get home, and pick up the kids, it’s about 5:30. So that means, I have to leave early to meet the SW on the other side of town.

The best laid plans, sometimes don’t work so well, and I was running late before even picking up the kids. I picked up Angel first, and she was in a great mood. 10 minutes later, it was all downhill….

As I mentioned, we were running late, so I asked her to stay in the car while I grabbed Bobby and Jenna. She started having a fit, and it went downhill from there. I made her stay in the car, and by the time I came back with Bobby and Jenna, she was in full meltdown mode….to the point where she said she didn’t even want to see her mother, she just wanted to go home.

We finally met the SW (45 minutes late), and Angel’s complaints ranged from the SW not having a CD player in her car, to having to sit in the middle, to not wanting to wear her glasses ever again…

The kids came back an hr later, and we loaded them into our car. Angel was still having an out of body experience. Bobby was unfazed (not sure he’d even care to see her), and poor Jenna was crying as well.

Once the kids were loaded in the car, the SW told me that mom was about 5 months pregnant, and they were trying to figure out how to tell the kids…nice…. I told her we wouldn’t say anything and leave it to them to discuss with the kids or their therapists to discuss with the kids…

In any event, on the way home, I called Mark to let him know we were on the way. He said he was making dinner (grilled cheese sandwich), and Angel immediately had a fit, hates grilled cheese (which she’s had a million times with us), blah, blah, blah… I told her that was fine, she didn’t have to eat it, but that was dinner….so if she didn’t eat that, she didn’t get anything.

She asked if she could just have a peanut butter sandwich. I said no…we aren’t running a lunch counter, and you eat what you’re served, when you’re served, or you don’t eat. Surprise, surprise…she ate her grilled cheese, and even told Mark it was the best she’d had….

That night, their grandmother called, and asked to chat with the kids, which we allowed. Imagine our surprise, when grandma proceeds to tell the kids that mommy is having a baby! Well, I guess the SW doesn’t have to worry about how to break it to the kids… Angel was excited, but obviously doesn’t understand everything. Jenna and Bobby were sort of oblivious.

The next morning, I decided I better call the SW and let her know the kids know about mom, so they don’t need to worry about that. I also told her that Jenna had a hard time, and wet the bed that night, which was to be expected.

Later on that day, I got a voicemail from their Dad. He knew they were seeing the mom for the first time in months, and wanted to know how they were doing, etc. As I got ready to call him back, a little voice inside my head said to wait….Does this man know his wife is pregnant by another man? I don’t want to be the one to tell him!

So, instead of calling dad, I called the SW and asked her. I didn’t want to be the one to tell him, and obviously when he sees the kids, he’d know. I left her a message, and waited….about 10 minutes later, I got a call from her. She said ‘he knows now’… I said, when did he find out? She said I told him about 5 minutes ago. I asked how he took it, she said not good….

Needless to say, I waited to call dad back for a day. I’m glad I did, and we were able to gloss over the knowledge.

The fact of the baby opens up so many issues for the kids. The kids will NEVER live with mom…yet the baby will (as long as it tests clean at birth). How do you explain to a 7, 4, or 2 year old why they can’t stay with mommy, yet the baby can? It’s unimaginable… We’ve turned that over to the therapists to deal with…

The children have started regular visits with the kids, however in speaking to the SW today, they are going to be limited to once per month for 2 hours. They had a visit on Saturday from 12-5, and when Mark picked them up, they were starving. They said they hadn’t eaten. Mark talked to grandma, and she said that they’d not really eaten. They had some appetizers out for everyone, but no meal…He took them through the McDonald’s drive thru, and called it a day..

On the kids last weekend with their dad, when Jenna came home, she complained that her bottom hurt. I took a peak, and didn’t see anything unusual, however by Tuesday, you could see that she had a boil coming up right above her butt crack. I immediately called the dr because she’d had a staph infection before, and I knew she’d need antibiotics. The boil burst and it was nasty. I took her to the dr, and by that time, it was healing up. They started her on antibiotics and scheduled another visit for Friday which Mark was able to take her to. Her school wouldn’t let her back without a note which they’d given me on Wed, but they wouldn’t let her back unless it was cultured, which it hadn’t been.

On her Friday dr visit, she checked out okay. The dr told us to start adding Clorox to her bath water, do the antibiotics, etc. We were doing everything right. Unfortunately, we got a call on Monday morning from her school saying that it appeared she had something on her arm. Mark hadn’t noticed anything, so had to go get her (I’m in AZ on business). He picked her up, and it looked like a zit, which he popped and put Neosporin on and a band aid. In the meantime, I called the public health nurse, and let her know what we were dealing with in regards to the school. She was able to pull strings and get an appt first thing in the morning. I won’t be back yet, but Mark will take her and get any necessary tests that are needed to get her back in school.

In the back of my mind, he and I both wonder how their dad would be able to deal with this? There are two of us, and in the last 2 weeks, we’ve both lost about 2 days of work due to her appts and such. We’re in a position where it’s not a huge issue for our companies (as long as it’s not a regular thing), but he’s not. He’s in an industry that’s suffering right now, and it makes me wonder how he’d be able to deal with all of this. I guess only time will tell…


While Mark was administering first aid to Jenna at home, he noticed that the dogs, Beau and Biscuit were in a fierce tug-of-war with a dog toy in the hallway. It got to the point where Mark went out to see why they kept tugging at it….then he noticed it had a lot of fur….and 4 legs….and…gee….wasn’t a dog toy at all but a MOLE… The dogs had been doing major construction in the backyard for a couple of days. We’d come home from work and they’d be filthy, but we couldn’t find what they were looking for…just a lot of trenches around the yard. We’d have to give them a bath before putting them to bed.

Our first clue that it was more than just the dogs being weird should have been the night before…when Beau, the laziest dog known to mankind, was out digging until 11pm in the pouring rain…

In any event, Mark had to wrestle away the dead mole from the dogs, in between patching up Jenna….ahhhh….the fun never stops….

Two weeks prior to this, was Mark’s first business trip. He was going to be gone 4 days one week and 4 the following week. I’d be flying solo for a few days…. I plotted my strategy, and figured out what time I needed to get up, and how to get all ready and out the door on time. We did fine, however we had one day where I had to go pick up a sick kid, but it worked out okay….

I’m actually posting this from AZ on my business trip. I left Saturday afternoon, and return Tuesday evening. Mark has done great! I left him some of my tips, but he runs them house like basic training, so I expected nothing less!

About 2 weeks ago, we were basically told that in all likelihood, Dad will be awarded full custody on April 27. Not the outlook we’d originally planned on, or been told, but the one we need to deal with. We are now concentrating on how to make the transition as smooth as possible. I know it will be painful as things get closer. The children have made such great strides with us. Our hope is that at the very least, maybe we’ve given them 6 months of ‘normal’.

In speaking with the social worker last week, they told us that if all is approved on the 27th, the kids will be turned over on the 27th. I told her that I assumed that they have the infrastructure in place then. She asked what I meant. I told her that if Mark and I couldn’t afford daycare, I’m sure the dad can’t, so that needs to be set up. I also told her that the schools and care that we have may not be convenient for him (he lives on the other side of town), so that needs to be done. I also reminded her that it took months to get it all set up. She said, well, I guess I better get started….so, they have begun the process.

This is a way overdue posting, and I hope to update sooner. We are still adjusting to the news ourselves….In the meantime, we would appreciate it if you could keep the children in your prayers….