Meeting with the Social Workers....

I wanted to touch base with you and follow-up to our message last week about our journey through the Foster/Adopt process. First of all, thank you so much for all of your prayers and good wishes. For some, this might be the first you've heard of this. I'm sorry if I missed you on last weeks communication on what we're doing, but everything is happening VERY quickly. Mark and I are excited about the opportunity of making a difference in some children's lives. That being said, I mentioned last week, that we had a meeting with some social workers yesterday about the opportunity for becoming Foster/Adoptive parents to 3 siblings, ages 2, 4, and 6. I wanted to fill you in as our journey progresses...

First off, what an eye opener social services is. Honestly, both Mark and I feel blessed that we grew up with loving and supportive parents, and made it to adulthood with relatively few bumps in the road. Our meeting consisted of Mark and I along with 3 social workers. One represented the children, one represented us, and one was an observer. The process was that the children's social worker presented their case to us, we were able to ask questions (we brought a list of about 40), and then had additional discussions. The disturbing thing was, that no one in the room had ever met the children...the social worker representing the kids had just been assigned the case 2 days before, so had never met them. All they could do is read off of previous reports. Under funded, and understaffed... I now feel guilty for applying for a reduction in our property taxes based on falling home values...

As part of the process, they were allowed to share with us the official docs of why the kids were in foster care, their life, etc. So here's a bit of background on their young, soap opera life:

The kids were born to parents who had on-going drug problems. The family lived in a second floor apartment somewhere in contra costa county. In November of last year, at some point, the 1 year old toddled onto the balcony and fell two stories to the ground. Thankfully, he was fine, but of course 911 was called, and police and EMT's responded.

As part of the investigation on what happened, the police entered the residence and found deplorable conditions: roaches, piles of garbage so that they couldn't even walk through the home, dirty dishes, and spoiled food on the counters, etc. The kids were immediately placed into custody. In addition, the mother was found to be high as a kite, and admitted to long term meth addition as well as other drugs. We aren't sure of the state of dad during this time. They were also evicted from the apt at this point.

Once children are removed from their parents home, the county gives them one shot to get their act together. They will pay for re-hab, finding housing, child care, etc. So mom enters rehab. While in rehab, mom starts affair with another person in rehab, and becomes pregnant. She finishes rehab, moves back in with her hubby, who then finds out that mom is PG by another man, blah, blah, blah. Dad throws mom out and files for divorce. Kids go back to social services as mom says she is going back to rehab and is going to terminate the pregnancy. This all happened around Feb. Social Services has not had any contact with Mom since that time, nor do they know where she is. Her parental rights have since been terminated.

So now Dad has a shot with the kids, but social services tells him he's got to have a stable job, housing, etc, and they provide him with the resources. He has a dirty drug test, but then has tested clean. However he's not done anything about the job, housing, situation. He has supervised visits with the kids, but according to the social worker, he sits and stares at the walls for an hr with them...doesn't read to them, engage at all, etc. Side note: Supervised visits mean that the children meet the dad at the social workers office. They don't come to the home where the kids live...

Social worker that is supervising has said that the dad hangs onto this 'vision' that he wants to give his kids the childhood he never had. However, he's not willing to take the steps necessary to change his behavior or situation. By the way, both the mom and dad were in Foster Care as children....so the cycle continues. Dad has a court hearing the first part of December where they are going to rule on if his rights will be terminated. All of the SW's felt that there was a 99% chance of that, and if not, they felt that if dad saw that the kids were happy and in a stable/loving home, he would sign over his rights.

The mom's mom (grandma), is also in the picture. She had originally applied for custody of the kids, but was denied because as a mother herself, her kids were placed in Foster Care...

The kids are currently in a foster home, and the foster parent has requested that the kids be moved....not so much because of the kids, but because of the Grandmother. Apparently, Grandma knows where the kids are living, so will come by and visit which is normally not an issue. However, according to the foster mother, she asked grandma to wait in the living room while she gathered up the kids. Unfortunately, Grandma decided to roam the house, and followed the Foster Mother upstairs to get the kids, after the foster mom asked her to please wait. According to the foster mom and social workers, Grandma doesn't have an boundaries, and has become a problem.

Obviously, we don't want to inherit any invasion of space issues ourselves, and wondered if that would be an issue. The social workers stressed that Dad's visitation is currently supervised, so happens at a SW office (again, may be terminated in December). Grandma has no legal right, however if we wanted the kids to have contact (which we do support), we could set the terms (meet in a neutral spot for example).

On to the scoop about the kids. All were exposed to drugs in-utero, however only Jenna appears to currently have some lasting affects.

Angel is age six and is described as very bright and out-going. She does have some issues with her parents basically abandoning her, but she's doing well. She just started kindergarten this year, and found out she needed glasses. She's doing well in school. From a health standpoint, she's doing pretty good, but is in need of major dental care. This has been neglected from day 1. She's on target for development.

Jenna is age 4, and suffers from what was initially described as mild cerebral palsy. She had a mild stroke at about 6 months, but is doing well in therapy. She wears a leg brace that she hates to wear, and is currently under going physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc. The state covers all of these services. She goes to a day care/therapy center daily that is right down the street from our home. In addition, we're told that a bus picks her up and drops her off for her day/care therapy. Her speech is delayed, but they are working on that... In addition, they mentioned that sign language might me appropriate as well (so Terry, you need to start teaching us! Mary Lou Stuart, tell Brittany we may need her help!)

Rob is age 2, and appears to be bright and outgoing as well. He is on target for development, and had no affects from his fall (I guess little kids 'bounce').

Our main concern at this point is of course Jenna. Do we have the resources to provide for her the best opportunity to succeed in life? When they say mild, what does that mean? Are we prepared to handle this? The frustrating part for us of course is that no one in the room had met or seen the kids. So we asked to speak w/someone who had. They were going to put us in contact with a therapist that has worked with the kids to get her point of view. In addition, we had a wonderful conversation with our neighbor across the street. Turns out her nephew has CP and is totally mainstreamed, and was able to give us some encouragement and guidance.

So....what you may ask are the next steps......well here they are:

Today, I am working on a pictorial of Mark and I and our lives together. We are going to tell our story for the kids from the perspective of our dogs, Beau and Biscuit. We are to e-mail that to the social worker so they can sit down and explain to the kids what's going on.

On Tuesday, Oct 14 in the pm sometime, we are going to go to the foster parents house and meet the kids. We are supposed to bring a little 'ice breaker' gift for each child. So those of you who have or had little ones, please send us any of your suggestions.

After that initial visit, the final decision will be made if they are going to come with us or not. If yes, they work on a transition plan. Transition can last from 2 days to 2 months. First, they start with maybe taking the kids on a Sat or Sun. Then maybe an overnight and so on. They let the kids dictate the transition.

In any event, this has been joyful journey for us. We never imagined that things would happen so quickly. The opportunity to actually make a difference in these children's lives is such a blessing.

Thank you so much to all of you that have offered your thoughts, prayers, and advice. The generosity of everyone has been overwhelming to say the least. I have to share with you all the following story:

As most of you know, our neighborhood has lots of kids from about age 5-up. Our neighbor at the end of the street has two kids, a boy about 8 and a girl about 10. We were talking to them last week about what was going on and everything, and were really excited. About an hr later, the little boy and girl came over to our house. Both of them had their bicycles and they said they had outgrown them and wanted to give to them to the kids. and the daughter also came back with a box of Barbie's and clothes for the kids. Very heartwarming. Last night she told us she had some books....