I find it amazing when dealing with the system, that anything ever gets done at all… That being said, it’s time for my rant…
As you may recall from several postings ago, Mark and I about had heart failure when we learned that daycare costs for the children. I’d finally gotten the word last Monday, that there was a ‘packet’ in the mail. I asked if said packet could be e-mail or faxed so we could jump start it. The big NO was what came back.
So, at this point it’s November 18. We are to now take custody the day before Thanksgiving. On Saturday, the 22nd, when I still hadn’t gotten anything in the mail, I left a voicemail for our social worker that we would NOT be taking full custody the day before Thanksgiving, because we still hadn’t receiving ANYTHING in the mail. She then gave me the name and phone number of the person with the county.
I contacted her, and she faxed me the papers so we could get started. The fax was more like a novel….65+ pages to be filled out. Honestly, it was AWFUL. However, I managed to get through the parts that pertained to Mark and me, along with all the docs for one of the care centers. Got those back to the person with the county, and now just need to get the info back for the care center for the oldest, and we’re done! Also, I’m writing this the day before Thanksgiving, and I’ve still not received the 1st packet that is supposedly in the mail…
It looks like full custody has been moved to December 5….but I’m not holding my breath as there have been other developments…
First, Dad is doing very well. So well in fact that he’s been moved to unsupervised visits, the first of which will be for 4 hrs on Thanksgiving. Also, grandma gets a 3 hr visit the day after Thanksgiving.
The social worker also mentioned that Dad would like a 6 hr visit on December 6. December 5 happens to be the oldest childs birthday, so we totally support that. As a matter of fact, if the SW deems it appropriate, we will invite dad to meet us at an ice cream parlor the evening of her actual b-day. We want this to be as easy on the kids as possible, and if they end up back with their father, so be it.
Mark also got a call from Grandma to schedule her visit. Grandma also saw fit to tell Mark that the mother of the kids is back in touch with her and in rehab, doing well, blah, blah, blah. We of course passed that along to the SW as moms rights have already been terminated. The SW told us that under no circumstances is mom to see the kids, and if we hear anything we are to let her know. Also, word is that Grandma (who is wife’s mother), and Father are not on speaking terms. We think it has to do with Father allowing wife to see kids after the courts ordered her not to have contact. In any event, we’ve sort of found out there’s no love lost there.
Lastly, I can’t tell any of you that are in this process enough about making sure you document EVERYTHING. One of the kids was leaning back in a chair at the table on Sunday, and we kept telling her not to do it. Of course she didn’t listen and when we turned around, she fell back off the chair. She’s now got a big bruise I guess. Of course the SW called me about it and I couldn’t remember ANYTHING. My dear hubby with a mind like an elephant, reminded me of the chair incident which I passed along to the social worker. We really need to remember to write EVERY LITTLE THING in our book…
Our weekend was good with the kids. We picked them up, and then headed out to do the Thanksgiving shopping. We got out of the store and came home and put it all away. Mark and I had discussed getting the kids holiday outfits, so Angel and I headed out for awhile to Target and Macy’s.
Her shoes were pretty ragged, so we found 2 cute pairs at Target. Then we headed to Macy’s where they are pretty much so hard up for sales, they were practically giving things away. We found her a pretty holiday dress, and picked up one for Jenna too. Found a cute holiday sweater for Bobby. Saturday was ice cream after dinner, then baths and a movie.
Sunday was Jenna’s turn for new shoes. Her little toes were busting out of her shoes, so we found some cute ones at Payless Shoes. Checked out K-Mart but they didn’t have anything worthwhile, so headed back home. Got the kids lunch, and then started picking up as they needed to head back to their other home. Beds were made, and toys put away, and they were out the door in time with no major trauma~!
That’s the latest! Hope you all have a safe and happy holiday!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Reality Sets In....
After our weekend of Halloween, we started getting ourselves ready for having the kids full time. We were going to transition over the next weekend. Unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen….
I had started to get school schedules, and research day care options for the kids. Imagine my surprise when we figured out we need $571 per week worth of day care…. Mark and I had the best of intentions, but the cost of childcare didn’t even enter my mind. I think I’d slipped back 20 years when my friends and family had there kids, and day care was $100 a week or so… After checking our outstanding lottery tickets to see if we’d won the big jackpot, I sent a note to the social workers and told them we had a problem. Mark and I were not in a position to absorb this cost as much as we would have liked to. Plus, the stipend for the kids was not enough to cover this. So unless they could assist us with this problem, we were not going to be able to take custody.
In addition, I was being stonewalled in the set up of schooling for Jenna. Because I didn’t have custody papers, they wouldn’t set anything up for her. It was a very depressing week.
I sent a note to the social workers, and they started working on some options. 3 weeks later, we’re not much closer, but I’m told there is stuff ‘in the mail’ for me that will take care of the childcare etc. We’ll see… We are now scheduled to take custody the day before Thanksgiving….but we will have to see. We do not want to take full custody unless all these details are worked out. I cannot risk my job, as much as I’d like to. We need it to keep a roof over our heads…and I don’t relish the idea of living in my 2000 Toyota Camry…
Also, that week, we received another message from the social worker. We’d been told that Dad’s parental rights were going to be terminated the week before. The SW sent us a note and told us that did not happen, that Dad is apparently working very hard at getting his act together, and had letters from his counselors and therapists attesting to such.
We were a bit taken aback as we were told that it was a 99% done deal. However, our thoughts have always been the best interest of the children. And if Dad gets his act together and takes custody, more power to them. If nothing else, Mark and I have learned a lot about each other. Apparently Dad’s situation is going to be reviewed again in a few months, and a final ruling will take place: reunification, or terminating of his rights…
One of the biggest mistakes that we’ve made was placing the two girls in a bedroom with a TV. As much as we try and enforce limits, they are watching TV all night long. The TV will conveniently be broken this weekend, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m sure it won’t go over well…
This past week, we had the kids once again. Mark gets nominated for sainthood based on what transpired.
On the weekend, I typically go and pick the kids up at about 9am and bring them back to the house. In the meantime, Mark takes the dogs for a walk, or in general gets things settled. Our plan this weekend was to take the kids to the Jelly Belly Factory. We are trying to find things that don’t cost a lot that we think the kids will enjoy.
So, I picked the kids up, and brought them home. We are getting ready to go, and all of sudden, I am overwhelmed with nausea, and run to the bathroom. My face is hot, and I’m throwing up…. Not sure what the deal was, but I was running 101 fever, and couldn’t stop heaving.
I had some old compazine that I found, and took that. Mark bravely said he’d take the kids without me. What an ordeal. I went back to bed, and he tackled entertaining the kids on his own. He was irritated and exhausted by the time he came home, but everyone was all in one piece.
Unfortunately, Jenna and Bobby both wanted to be held at the factory, so he did that at the expense of his rotator cuff. Hopefully, he won’t have to have surgery, but I do think he did some damage.
The kids had an absolute blast and came back with the Jelly Belly paper hats…We had dinner, and put them to bed (with the all night TV marathon), and went to sleep…
Prior to picking up the kids on Saturday morning, we had some other stuff to deal with….
The weekend before, Angel had lost a tooth, and forgotten to put it under her pillow. When she came home on Saturday morning, we told her that Biscuit had been in her room, and had come running down the hallway covered with Fairy Dust! She ran into the bedroom, and there next to the panda that she likes to sleep with was a note from the tooth fairy and some money. Everything was covered in Fairy Dust. The note talked about how she came by and played with Biscuit who was one of her best friends, and that she took the tooth and left the $$. We’d been working on the dog/kid relationship, and Biscuit is now one of their best friends. If only we could say the same for Beau….
On the way back to Antioch on Sunday, Angel kept asking Mark to tell the Fairy story over and over, and over again… We dropped the kids off with the understanding that we would see them the following Saturday….
I had started to get school schedules, and research day care options for the kids. Imagine my surprise when we figured out we need $571 per week worth of day care…. Mark and I had the best of intentions, but the cost of childcare didn’t even enter my mind. I think I’d slipped back 20 years when my friends and family had there kids, and day care was $100 a week or so… After checking our outstanding lottery tickets to see if we’d won the big jackpot, I sent a note to the social workers and told them we had a problem. Mark and I were not in a position to absorb this cost as much as we would have liked to. Plus, the stipend for the kids was not enough to cover this. So unless they could assist us with this problem, we were not going to be able to take custody.
In addition, I was being stonewalled in the set up of schooling for Jenna. Because I didn’t have custody papers, they wouldn’t set anything up for her. It was a very depressing week.
I sent a note to the social workers, and they started working on some options. 3 weeks later, we’re not much closer, but I’m told there is stuff ‘in the mail’ for me that will take care of the childcare etc. We’ll see… We are now scheduled to take custody the day before Thanksgiving….but we will have to see. We do not want to take full custody unless all these details are worked out. I cannot risk my job, as much as I’d like to. We need it to keep a roof over our heads…and I don’t relish the idea of living in my 2000 Toyota Camry…
Also, that week, we received another message from the social worker. We’d been told that Dad’s parental rights were going to be terminated the week before. The SW sent us a note and told us that did not happen, that Dad is apparently working very hard at getting his act together, and had letters from his counselors and therapists attesting to such.
We were a bit taken aback as we were told that it was a 99% done deal. However, our thoughts have always been the best interest of the children. And if Dad gets his act together and takes custody, more power to them. If nothing else, Mark and I have learned a lot about each other. Apparently Dad’s situation is going to be reviewed again in a few months, and a final ruling will take place: reunification, or terminating of his rights…
One of the biggest mistakes that we’ve made was placing the two girls in a bedroom with a TV. As much as we try and enforce limits, they are watching TV all night long. The TV will conveniently be broken this weekend, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m sure it won’t go over well…
This past week, we had the kids once again. Mark gets nominated for sainthood based on what transpired.
On the weekend, I typically go and pick the kids up at about 9am and bring them back to the house. In the meantime, Mark takes the dogs for a walk, or in general gets things settled. Our plan this weekend was to take the kids to the Jelly Belly Factory. We are trying to find things that don’t cost a lot that we think the kids will enjoy.
So, I picked the kids up, and brought them home. We are getting ready to go, and all of sudden, I am overwhelmed with nausea, and run to the bathroom. My face is hot, and I’m throwing up…. Not sure what the deal was, but I was running 101 fever, and couldn’t stop heaving.
I had some old compazine that I found, and took that. Mark bravely said he’d take the kids without me. What an ordeal. I went back to bed, and he tackled entertaining the kids on his own. He was irritated and exhausted by the time he came home, but everyone was all in one piece.
Unfortunately, Jenna and Bobby both wanted to be held at the factory, so he did that at the expense of his rotator cuff. Hopefully, he won’t have to have surgery, but I do think he did some damage.
The kids had an absolute blast and came back with the Jelly Belly paper hats…We had dinner, and put them to bed (with the all night TV marathon), and went to sleep…
Prior to picking up the kids on Saturday morning, we had some other stuff to deal with….
The weekend before, Angel had lost a tooth, and forgotten to put it under her pillow. When she came home on Saturday morning, we told her that Biscuit had been in her room, and had come running down the hallway covered with Fairy Dust! She ran into the bedroom, and there next to the panda that she likes to sleep with was a note from the tooth fairy and some money. Everything was covered in Fairy Dust. The note talked about how she came by and played with Biscuit who was one of her best friends, and that she took the tooth and left the $$. We’d been working on the dog/kid relationship, and Biscuit is now one of their best friends. If only we could say the same for Beau….
On the way back to Antioch on Sunday, Angel kept asking Mark to tell the Fairy story over and over, and over again… We dropped the kids off with the understanding that we would see them the following Saturday….
The Tricks And Treats of It All.....
When we last left off, we had finished our first full weekend with the kids and were exhausted. Prior to that weekend, we’d talked to the kids about Halloween, and Angel said she wanted to be a Cheetah. She had a Cheetah print hoodie, and she was going to wear that.
Mark and I checked our finances, and looked for a Cheetah costume on-line. I found one that was reasonable, but of course it didn’t arrive until the kids had left us the weekend before Halloween. I’d not mentioned to Angel that we’d gotten a costume for her, I wanted it to be a surprise. Imagine our surprise the weekend before Halloween, when she suddenly announced she wanted to be a Princess. The Cheetah costume was already on our way to us, and shelling our $ for another costume wasn’t in the budget.
I think I had accidentally put the Princess notion in her little head when I showed her my tiara collection, and let her try some on. Yes, believe it or not, I actually have a Tiara collection! Several years ago, I was able to travel to London and Paris with my friend Terry. We arrived several days after the Tiara exhibit was at the Victoria and Albert museum. We were bummed that we’d missed it, and for whatever reason, I’d gotten a burr in my saddle and came home with about 10 different tiaras that I’d bought around London. I guess I’m just a princess at heart…
Anyway, the Tuesday before Halloween, her costume arrived. I wanted to drive it out to her in Antioch and explain why it wasn’t a Princess costume, and hope she’d like it anyway. I also wanted to try on some costume options for the little ones that our neighbors were letting us borrow.
Now, the current Foster Parent had told our social worker the week before that she would prefer that we don’t see the kids during the school week, as they are too wound up when we drop them off. I can understand that, and she has to live with getting them settled after we leave, but we are trying to transition here.
I had talked to the social worker and told her that we wanted to come out and just meet with the kids briefly, explain to Angel about her costume, and be on our way. We also needed to get her costume to her before Friday, as I had called her school and they were having a costume parade in the morning. In addition, I knew the kids were having a visit with their bio dad on Friday afternoon, and thought he might want to see them in costume as well. I expected to be at the house 30 minutes tops, because I didn’t want to disrupt anything…
Anyway, the social worker called me back about 30 minutes later, and appeared as frustrated as we were. She said the foster parent said that I was to leave the costume on the porch, not to ring the doorbell or anything, and she would make sure Angel got the costume. So…I was left to drive out to Antioch, and left to costume on the porch….
I had taken Friday off because her school was allowing Mark and I to come to her parade at school. We actually ended up finding her classroom before the parade, and she saw us through the window in her little costume. She was so cute and so excited that we were there to see her. Even her teacher told us that she was talking about us… We stayed for the parade, and took lots of pictures.
Friday evening I was picking the kids up from social services as they were having a visit with their dad. He had made them each a nice treat bag, and they were very excited to show me their goodies. We then headed back home, to start the trick or treating…
Mark was going to stay and pass out candy, and I was going to take the kids out. One of our wonderful neighbors had loaned us a stroller, and we packed Bobby in that, and then headed out. We stopped first next door, where our neighbors had special treats for the kids…a giant Hershey Bar! The rest of the kids in the neighborhood were gathering to do a mass trick or treat run with a couple of the parents, so we joined in. Everytime we stopped at a neighbors house, they really made our kids feel VERY SPECIAL. Each had a special treat for them, be it a glow necklace, a treat basket, or a giant candy bar. Very generous!
Jenna is a dasher, and it’s pitch black outside. I’ve not mastered the ‘mommy juggle’ yet, and was not able to hold onto her, and push the stroller at the same time. One of the other parents volunteered to push the stroller, while I took Jenna by the hand, and Angel ran off with the other kids. We started weaving our way through the neighborhood, and tended to get stopped at almost every house with people asking questions about the kids. Imagine my surprise when we stepped off the curb at the last house on the court, and there were no kids in sight. The group of neighbors and kids we were with had all but disappeared and were no where to be found. That meant Bobby and Angel were not with us, and it was just me and Jenna. At first I started to somewhat freak, and then realized that the kids were with responsible parents, and I just needed to take a chill pill. My bigger fear is that they would realize that I wasn’t with them, and freak out on the parents that were there. Thankfully, that didn’t happen…
Awhile later, the troops came marching back up the court with all of their loot. The kids had a great time, and I was told by the other parents that they were very polite. We got the kids back into the house, and off to bed to start another day.
The troops rose as normal at 5am, and we were off. Bobby has managed to figure out how to climb out of his porta crib, so that’s been a joy. Mark and I took turns ‘listening’ for him to climb out and put him back to bed.
That particular weekend, we were taking the kids back on Saturday evening. We had put Sunday aside to do some kid proofing, so Saturday we headed them back to Antioch. They are getting better about being dropped off as they know that eventually we will have them with us full time. Still, Jenna has a little crying fit that I feel bad for the other family for having to endure…
After dropping the kids off, Mark and I headed back home. We got in and let the dogs in. Biscuit immediately found a poopy diaper (I’m not sure from where), and proceeded to dive under our bed with it. Mark and I were exhausted, and were chasing her trying to get it away from her. It made our bedroom stink to high heaven, and all I could think of was “Please God, do not get poop on the carpet under the bed!” You see…we have about 4” of clearance under the bed, so we cannot fit under there. In addition, the bed weighs close to 1,000 lbs…it’s heavy. If poop got on the carpet under there, then there’s really no easy way to clean it. We’d have to disassemble the bed, and go from there….
In any event, the Lord was hearing our prayer, and for whatever reason, I was able to extend my arm far enough to pull the diaper out from under the bed. There was no poo on the carpet, but Biscuit’s face was another story. We gave her a quick bath and collapsed into bed wondering how our next adventure would turn out…..
Mark and I checked our finances, and looked for a Cheetah costume on-line. I found one that was reasonable, but of course it didn’t arrive until the kids had left us the weekend before Halloween. I’d not mentioned to Angel that we’d gotten a costume for her, I wanted it to be a surprise. Imagine our surprise the weekend before Halloween, when she suddenly announced she wanted to be a Princess. The Cheetah costume was already on our way to us, and shelling our $ for another costume wasn’t in the budget.
I think I had accidentally put the Princess notion in her little head when I showed her my tiara collection, and let her try some on. Yes, believe it or not, I actually have a Tiara collection! Several years ago, I was able to travel to London and Paris with my friend Terry. We arrived several days after the Tiara exhibit was at the Victoria and Albert museum. We were bummed that we’d missed it, and for whatever reason, I’d gotten a burr in my saddle and came home with about 10 different tiaras that I’d bought around London. I guess I’m just a princess at heart…
Anyway, the Tuesday before Halloween, her costume arrived. I wanted to drive it out to her in Antioch and explain why it wasn’t a Princess costume, and hope she’d like it anyway. I also wanted to try on some costume options for the little ones that our neighbors were letting us borrow.
Now, the current Foster Parent had told our social worker the week before that she would prefer that we don’t see the kids during the school week, as they are too wound up when we drop them off. I can understand that, and she has to live with getting them settled after we leave, but we are trying to transition here.
I had talked to the social worker and told her that we wanted to come out and just meet with the kids briefly, explain to Angel about her costume, and be on our way. We also needed to get her costume to her before Friday, as I had called her school and they were having a costume parade in the morning. In addition, I knew the kids were having a visit with their bio dad on Friday afternoon, and thought he might want to see them in costume as well. I expected to be at the house 30 minutes tops, because I didn’t want to disrupt anything…
Anyway, the social worker called me back about 30 minutes later, and appeared as frustrated as we were. She said the foster parent said that I was to leave the costume on the porch, not to ring the doorbell or anything, and she would make sure Angel got the costume. So…I was left to drive out to Antioch, and left to costume on the porch….
I had taken Friday off because her school was allowing Mark and I to come to her parade at school. We actually ended up finding her classroom before the parade, and she saw us through the window in her little costume. She was so cute and so excited that we were there to see her. Even her teacher told us that she was talking about us… We stayed for the parade, and took lots of pictures.
Friday evening I was picking the kids up from social services as they were having a visit with their dad. He had made them each a nice treat bag, and they were very excited to show me their goodies. We then headed back home, to start the trick or treating…
Mark was going to stay and pass out candy, and I was going to take the kids out. One of our wonderful neighbors had loaned us a stroller, and we packed Bobby in that, and then headed out. We stopped first next door, where our neighbors had special treats for the kids…a giant Hershey Bar! The rest of the kids in the neighborhood were gathering to do a mass trick or treat run with a couple of the parents, so we joined in. Everytime we stopped at a neighbors house, they really made our kids feel VERY SPECIAL. Each had a special treat for them, be it a glow necklace, a treat basket, or a giant candy bar. Very generous!
Jenna is a dasher, and it’s pitch black outside. I’ve not mastered the ‘mommy juggle’ yet, and was not able to hold onto her, and push the stroller at the same time. One of the other parents volunteered to push the stroller, while I took Jenna by the hand, and Angel ran off with the other kids. We started weaving our way through the neighborhood, and tended to get stopped at almost every house with people asking questions about the kids. Imagine my surprise when we stepped off the curb at the last house on the court, and there were no kids in sight. The group of neighbors and kids we were with had all but disappeared and were no where to be found. That meant Bobby and Angel were not with us, and it was just me and Jenna. At first I started to somewhat freak, and then realized that the kids were with responsible parents, and I just needed to take a chill pill. My bigger fear is that they would realize that I wasn’t with them, and freak out on the parents that were there. Thankfully, that didn’t happen…
Awhile later, the troops came marching back up the court with all of their loot. The kids had a great time, and I was told by the other parents that they were very polite. We got the kids back into the house, and off to bed to start another day.
The troops rose as normal at 5am, and we were off. Bobby has managed to figure out how to climb out of his porta crib, so that’s been a joy. Mark and I took turns ‘listening’ for him to climb out and put him back to bed.
That particular weekend, we were taking the kids back on Saturday evening. We had put Sunday aside to do some kid proofing, so Saturday we headed them back to Antioch. They are getting better about being dropped off as they know that eventually we will have them with us full time. Still, Jenna has a little crying fit that I feel bad for the other family for having to endure…
After dropping the kids off, Mark and I headed back home. We got in and let the dogs in. Biscuit immediately found a poopy diaper (I’m not sure from where), and proceeded to dive under our bed with it. Mark and I were exhausted, and were chasing her trying to get it away from her. It made our bedroom stink to high heaven, and all I could think of was “Please God, do not get poop on the carpet under the bed!” You see…we have about 4” of clearance under the bed, so we cannot fit under there. In addition, the bed weighs close to 1,000 lbs…it’s heavy. If poop got on the carpet under there, then there’s really no easy way to clean it. We’d have to disassemble the bed, and go from there….
In any event, the Lord was hearing our prayer, and for whatever reason, I was able to extend my arm far enough to pull the diaper out from under the bed. There was no poo on the carpet, but Biscuit’s face was another story. We gave her a quick bath and collapsed into bed wondering how our next adventure would turn out…..
Monday, November 3, 2008
2 Adults + 2 Dogs + 3 Kids=Chaos
Dear Family, Friends, and Cyber Buddies-
Wanted to post for you all an update on how things with the kids are going. The weekend of Oct 24-26, was the first overnight visit that we had, and consisted of the 4 biggies: Bites. Burns, Cuts, & Blood…I was glad there wasn’t a team of locust on the horizon…
The weekend was an eye opener and made us realize how unprepared we were for parenthood. Most people have some time to adjust to building a family with 3 kids. We basically had a week…. By the time we dropped the kids off on Sunday, I was seriously doubting that Mark and I would be able to handle everything. I was at the end of my rope, and could not imagine getting through this. I’m sort of dumping all of this out there as it actually helps me deal with all the emotions that you go through, as well as educating others that might be thinking about doing what we are doing…
First off, a little background: Our first overnighter was supposed to actually be Halloween, however we’d gotten a call earlier in the week to see if we thought we’d be ready for an overnighter Oct 24 weekend. We still had A LOT of kid proofing that we needed to have done around the house so initially proposed a 2pm pick up on Saturday. Not sure how it happened, but before we knew it, we’d agreed to a 5pm FRIDAY pick-up with a return on Sunday at 3pm.
Because of the earlier pick-up, we were not able to completely kid-proof the house, which will become important later on…
I drove out to Antioch to pick up the kids. The current foster mom had a bag packed with their clothes and such. Picked up that and the kids, and got them packed in the car. About 5 miles away, I realized that I didn’t think I put the bag with their clothes and such in the car. I pulled over, and sure enough, it wasn’t in there… I had left it on the sidewalk because I was so worried about getting the middle child strapped in…As I told the kids, I was losing my marbles.
We turned around, and headed back to the house to fetch the bag. I pulled down the street, and the bag was gone. I said a quick prayer, and hoped that the current family had seen it, and brought it in, and that it wasn’t stolen. I went up to the door, and sure enough, the foster dad was there with the bag, laughing at me. I threw it in the trunk and were on our way..
We tried to keep our plans this weekend a bit simple: We were going to go to get pumpkins on Saturday, and then attend a school carnival. On Sunday we were going to a Fall Festival at our neighbor’s church.
We arrive home on Friday and I hustled the kids into the house. Mark wasn’t home yet, so I got the kids settled. During the day while we are at work, the dogs are locked in the backyard, with access to the office for shelter. When we come home from work, I typically let them in, they run around, and then settle down.
We’d done a slow introduction to the dogs the Saturday before, so I thought all would be good. I was going to let them in, and all ‘should’ have been okay. Unfortunately, it wasn’t..
The dogs ran in, and Jenna and Angel immediately started screaming…this freaked the dogs out, freaked the kids out more, and Beau sort of lunged at Angel. I immediately threw both dogs outside, and calmed the kids down. Not good, as we have big issues if the dogs and kids don’t get along. Surprisingly enough, none of this fazed Bobby in the slightest. He watched the whole thing, and didn’t make one noise. Simply sat at the table and colored oblivious to what was going on around him (thank God).
Angel insisted Beau had bit her, but I couldn’t find ANYTHING on her…no mark, bruise, teeth marks…nothing.
Mark came home shortly after with muzzles, and we put them on the dogs, and let them back in. Gradually, we were able to take Biscuit’s muzzle off for extended periods, so the kids began getting used to her. I asked Angel what she was afraid of, and she said the big black spot on her head was scary….
To distract the kids from their earlier trauma, when Mark came home, I had Angel help me with dinner. We were cooking chicken fettuccini alfredo, so she was helping me sauté some of the chicken breasts. Unfortunately, she turned around, and her thumb hit the side of the pan, and she got a small burn. Now, I’m batting a thousand. What other trauma can I inflict???…We wrapped a cube of ice in a towel, and had her hold it on there. It was red, but not bad at all. She’d forgotten about it by the time we sat down to eat.
We are trying to set a schedule with the kids, and try and stick as closely to their current schedule as possible to avoid major disruptions that their current foster family would have to deal with when we bring them back. That being said, they need to be in bed by 8, so we need to be done with meals to take baths at 7, so need to eat at the latest by 5:30 or 6.
After dinner, Mark had to run an errand, so our friend helped me start baths. We made the big mistake the week before of introducing Mr. Bubble, so baths last longer than intended. I think we will keep the Mr. B for weekends only as I can see that it would be a beast during the week…
We got them bathed, diapered and ready for bed. By this time, Mark and I are ready to collapse as well. That was not to be, as Mark and I had one more task to take care of…
As mentioned previously, this whole thing has happened pretty quickly for us, and we aren’t quite prepared with everything. The week before, we’d gone to Target and stocked up on diapers, wipes, etc. However, we don’t have changing table, and didn’t really have a diaper/wipey/changey designation area. It happens where it happens…. So when getting Bobby ready, I changed his diaper, set the dirty one on the counter in the bathroom to throw away, but got hopelessly side tracked. Biscuit on the other hand, was entirely focused on the dirty diaper she’d managed to get to, and was happily trotting down the highway with her new ‘treat’. She dove under the table as per her normal MO when she’s gotten a hold of something she shouldn’t have. Mark and I tried to corner her, and chased her back and forth. Part of me wanted to say screw it, and go to bed, but wiser heads prevailed. We finally caught her and wrestled the remnants away.. Note to self: Make sure diapers get to the garbage! Finally we were off to bed exhausted, wondering how the rest of the weekend would progress.
We didn’t have to wait long, as at approximately 5am, the troops were up. I swear I felt like I was in boot camp…
Bobby managed to have an atomic pee and poop that blew through every layer of everything. I got him cleaned up, and then he toddled out with his sisters.
Toys, crayons, books, etc were immediately pulled out and spread over the family room floor. I was trying to keep them on one side of the house so that Mark and the dogs could sleep a little bit later.
They were hungry, so we started to discuss breakfast options. Big mistake…there should be no options…this is what you’re eating! Normally on the weekends, Mark and I do make breakfast together, and sit at the table and read the paper and chat. In any event, I did my best to tackle pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. I’m working the grill, toaster, etc…but I didn’t feel like I was making any progress. Every time I turned around, it was more juice please, can I have another pancake, blah, blah, blah. One of my favorite movies, is A Christmas Story. In that movie, there’s a scene where the mom is cooking breakfast, and every time she turns around to sit down and eat, someone asks for something else. The narrator says that she hadn’t had a hot meal in years…. I was totally living in that moment, and unable to even run to the bathroom.
A bit later, Mark came out and took over, and was going to make some eggs for himself. Unfortunately, when he opened the refrigerator, the carton of eggs came crashing to the floor. His dream of the ultimate omelet would be just a dream. It was interesting, because Angel asked if Mark was going to get in trouble for breaking the eggs. We said no, why would you say that. She then told us a story of how Jenna had broken some eggs at her mom’s house, and Angel got punished for it. We tried to explain to her that accidents happen, and he didn’t do it on purpose, and there was no reason to punish anyone. She helped me get the mess cleaned up, and then I went back to bed for about an hr to decompress while Mark took over the reins.
As Mark was at the table with Angel eating, she asked if she and her siblings could come and live with us. Mark asked her why she wanted to live here. She told him that nobody is mean to little kids around here….
We finally finished cleaning up and got everything together, and headed to the pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins. They had a little petting zoo, and the kids enjoyed that. We picked out a few pumpkins and put them in our wagon. We then packed up the kids and headed home…
The kids were out in the backyard helping Mark water the plants. When they came back in the house, Jenna slipped on the water, and skinned her knee…just another trauma of the day. It was fine, and didn’t require a band-aid or anything…
After lunch, we had planned on going to the Elementary School Carnival that was going on around the corner from our house. We had lunch, and then put Bobby down for a nap which he was trying to fight off with all his might. I finally went and lay down with him and sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in his ear. He finally fell asleep.
The girls were getting antsy and wanted to go to the carnival, so I left Bobby with Mark, and we headed to the school. On our way, we met one of the kids next door who’d won a goldfish…I prayed that booth would be closed by the time we got there…
We got to the carnival, and forked over some dough for tickets. I artfully dodged the gold fish booth, and we made our way to the cake walk. Angel did the cake walk about 4 times, and didn’t win anything. The world was going to stop rotating because she hadn’t won a cake… She was totally bummed, and we had a little talk about how you can’t always win, but it was fun to try.
I finally got her settled, when a fireman came up to her (they had a fire truck at the carnival) and asked her what was wrong. Of course the waterworks started again….I gave the fireman a bad time for pickin’ at the scab, I thought I had healed. He waved and said anytime! It was actually quite funny…
I tried to deflect Angel’s attention from the cake walk, by spotting the SpongeBob booth. There were teachers sticking their heads through the SpongeBob cut out, and kids could throw wet sponges at them. Angel and Jenna took turns and had a blast. They won some little prizes. We then moved on to the blow up slide…
About this time, Mark and Bobby still hadn’t appeared. We’d put Bobby down at about 10:30. It was going on 3:30… I called Mark, and he said the Bobby had just woken up, and they were on their way to the carnival. Of course in the back of my mind, some ominous music has begun to play….the boy slept for 5 hours…
When walking back from the carnival, we passed by our neighbor’s house on the corner and stopped by. They had asked us to come by so they could meet the kids. They are wonderful people and stood outside and chatted while the kids played in their fountain. Our neighbor said that she hadn’t decorated their house for Christmas for about 3 years…it just wasn’t worth the hassle. She said that this year, she can’t wait to get her Santa Village set up, and have the kids come over to see it. It was very touching that they inspired her in that way.
Now, I’d had these delusions of grandeur that I was going to make all of these homemade meals for the kids. And frankly, after rising with the troops at 5am, the thought of actually cooking a meal was wholly unappealing. That being said, Angel and I took off to Safeway where they were having hot meatloaf on sale for $5. Threw that in the cart, along with some mashed potatoes, and called it a day.
Everyone chowed down, and then it was time to make cookies for dessert. Angel said she’d never made them before, so I had her help me figure out the measurements, and read the recipe. Some of the cookies got a little well done as I was herding the kids on the other side of the house, but they weren’t bad. Each kid had a warm cookie and glass of milk and then off to bed. To say Mark and I were exhausted is a GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT.
I had mentioned before that everything had happened so quickly, so we have not put up all the security locks and such. Because of that, we have to be on high alert at all times. That plus the dog situation had my stress level over the edge. Now, throw into the mix a 2 year old boy who had a 5 hr nap, and I realize I am screwed.
Bobby normally sleeps in a crib, and we don’t have one, so were just using the bed in one of the guest rooms. Unfortunately, that means the little guy can get up and roam the halls at all hours. Luckily, our room is right next to his, so I could hear when he’d get up. That also means that I wasn’t sleeping.
I’d get up, put him back to bed, and lay down with him until he feel asleep. Seems like the minute I’d go back to my own bed, I’d hear the door open… Anyway, the final time was about 2:30 am. I put him back to bed, and waited for him to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I was the one doing the sleeping, and woke up a few minutes later, to an empty bed, and the bedroom door open. I went out on patrol, and found him in one of the bathrooms going through the cabinets under the sink. This about put me over the edge…we need to get this place baby boobie-trapped as soon as possible. I can’t function on DEFCON1 for extended periods.
We finally got him back to bed the final time about 4. The troops rose again at 5, and we started the cycle all over..
On Sunday, our neighbors had invited us to the Fall Festival at their church. It sounded very family friendly, so we happily accepted. The plan was to leave directly from that and take the kids back to Antioch. They were supposed to be back there at 3pm.
As we are driving to the church, I happened to look in the rear view mirror, and Angel had a little bit of blood dripping out of her nose. I had my inadequate (and I mean INADEQUATE) make shift diaper bag with just a handful of wipes, so passed those back to her. Soon it was a gusher, and there was blood everywhere. Mark and I were at our wits end. We got to the church, and dug through the trunk of the car, and found a pack of napkins that we used to stop the bleeding.
I had Mark take the two youngest, so that I could help the oldest get cleaned up. Finally after about 10 minutes, the bleeding stopped, and we were able to get going and enjoy the fun.
The Fall Fest was awesome and the kids had a blast! They got to actually be kids, and played in the bounce house, and on the slide. Soon it was time to take the kids back. There were lots of tears, and frankly we were all exhausted.
I honestly wondered if we could deal with this on a day in, day out basis. As I drove back to Antioch, I could watch all 3 kids in my rear view mirror sound asleep. Soon, my dear hubby squeezed my hand and drifted off to sleep as well.
The reality of what we are doing continues to sink in. We worry about finances, day care, dogs, etc. Will this all work? Are we doing the right thing? Are we too old to be tackling these responsibilities? I look at there little faces full of innocence and realize that these poor kids just happened to be born to parents that made poor decisions.
We pulled up to their current foster home, and woke them up and took them to the door. There were lots of tears as the kids wanted to stay with us. We explained that wasn’t possible yet but we were working on it.
I walked down the path back to the car, and I heard the current foster parent say something to the little girl. The little one ran after me with big tears in her eyes and said that she didn’t want to stay…she wanted to come with us. I tried to dry her tears and told her that there were many other good times to have, and that we would see her within the week. She gave me a big hug and kiss, and resigned herself to go back in the house she’d run out of.
Mark and I climbed back into the car, and like a cow with the barn insight, we headed home and collapsed.
Our next visit with the kids would be on Halloween....
Wanted to post for you all an update on how things with the kids are going. The weekend of Oct 24-26, was the first overnight visit that we had, and consisted of the 4 biggies: Bites. Burns, Cuts, & Blood…I was glad there wasn’t a team of locust on the horizon…
The weekend was an eye opener and made us realize how unprepared we were for parenthood. Most people have some time to adjust to building a family with 3 kids. We basically had a week…. By the time we dropped the kids off on Sunday, I was seriously doubting that Mark and I would be able to handle everything. I was at the end of my rope, and could not imagine getting through this. I’m sort of dumping all of this out there as it actually helps me deal with all the emotions that you go through, as well as educating others that might be thinking about doing what we are doing…
First off, a little background: Our first overnighter was supposed to actually be Halloween, however we’d gotten a call earlier in the week to see if we thought we’d be ready for an overnighter Oct 24 weekend. We still had A LOT of kid proofing that we needed to have done around the house so initially proposed a 2pm pick up on Saturday. Not sure how it happened, but before we knew it, we’d agreed to a 5pm FRIDAY pick-up with a return on Sunday at 3pm.
Because of the earlier pick-up, we were not able to completely kid-proof the house, which will become important later on…
I drove out to Antioch to pick up the kids. The current foster mom had a bag packed with their clothes and such. Picked up that and the kids, and got them packed in the car. About 5 miles away, I realized that I didn’t think I put the bag with their clothes and such in the car. I pulled over, and sure enough, it wasn’t in there… I had left it on the sidewalk because I was so worried about getting the middle child strapped in…As I told the kids, I was losing my marbles.
We turned around, and headed back to the house to fetch the bag. I pulled down the street, and the bag was gone. I said a quick prayer, and hoped that the current family had seen it, and brought it in, and that it wasn’t stolen. I went up to the door, and sure enough, the foster dad was there with the bag, laughing at me. I threw it in the trunk and were on our way..
We tried to keep our plans this weekend a bit simple: We were going to go to get pumpkins on Saturday, and then attend a school carnival. On Sunday we were going to a Fall Festival at our neighbor’s church.
We arrive home on Friday and I hustled the kids into the house. Mark wasn’t home yet, so I got the kids settled. During the day while we are at work, the dogs are locked in the backyard, with access to the office for shelter. When we come home from work, I typically let them in, they run around, and then settle down.
We’d done a slow introduction to the dogs the Saturday before, so I thought all would be good. I was going to let them in, and all ‘should’ have been okay. Unfortunately, it wasn’t..
The dogs ran in, and Jenna and Angel immediately started screaming…this freaked the dogs out, freaked the kids out more, and Beau sort of lunged at Angel. I immediately threw both dogs outside, and calmed the kids down. Not good, as we have big issues if the dogs and kids don’t get along. Surprisingly enough, none of this fazed Bobby in the slightest. He watched the whole thing, and didn’t make one noise. Simply sat at the table and colored oblivious to what was going on around him (thank God).
Angel insisted Beau had bit her, but I couldn’t find ANYTHING on her…no mark, bruise, teeth marks…nothing.
Mark came home shortly after with muzzles, and we put them on the dogs, and let them back in. Gradually, we were able to take Biscuit’s muzzle off for extended periods, so the kids began getting used to her. I asked Angel what she was afraid of, and she said the big black spot on her head was scary….
To distract the kids from their earlier trauma, when Mark came home, I had Angel help me with dinner. We were cooking chicken fettuccini alfredo, so she was helping me sauté some of the chicken breasts. Unfortunately, she turned around, and her thumb hit the side of the pan, and she got a small burn. Now, I’m batting a thousand. What other trauma can I inflict???…We wrapped a cube of ice in a towel, and had her hold it on there. It was red, but not bad at all. She’d forgotten about it by the time we sat down to eat.
We are trying to set a schedule with the kids, and try and stick as closely to their current schedule as possible to avoid major disruptions that their current foster family would have to deal with when we bring them back. That being said, they need to be in bed by 8, so we need to be done with meals to take baths at 7, so need to eat at the latest by 5:30 or 6.
After dinner, Mark had to run an errand, so our friend helped me start baths. We made the big mistake the week before of introducing Mr. Bubble, so baths last longer than intended. I think we will keep the Mr. B for weekends only as I can see that it would be a beast during the week…
We got them bathed, diapered and ready for bed. By this time, Mark and I are ready to collapse as well. That was not to be, as Mark and I had one more task to take care of…
As mentioned previously, this whole thing has happened pretty quickly for us, and we aren’t quite prepared with everything. The week before, we’d gone to Target and stocked up on diapers, wipes, etc. However, we don’t have changing table, and didn’t really have a diaper/wipey/changey designation area. It happens where it happens…. So when getting Bobby ready, I changed his diaper, set the dirty one on the counter in the bathroom to throw away, but got hopelessly side tracked. Biscuit on the other hand, was entirely focused on the dirty diaper she’d managed to get to, and was happily trotting down the highway with her new ‘treat’. She dove under the table as per her normal MO when she’s gotten a hold of something she shouldn’t have. Mark and I tried to corner her, and chased her back and forth. Part of me wanted to say screw it, and go to bed, but wiser heads prevailed. We finally caught her and wrestled the remnants away.. Note to self: Make sure diapers get to the garbage! Finally we were off to bed exhausted, wondering how the rest of the weekend would progress.
We didn’t have to wait long, as at approximately 5am, the troops were up. I swear I felt like I was in boot camp…
Bobby managed to have an atomic pee and poop that blew through every layer of everything. I got him cleaned up, and then he toddled out with his sisters.
Toys, crayons, books, etc were immediately pulled out and spread over the family room floor. I was trying to keep them on one side of the house so that Mark and the dogs could sleep a little bit later.
They were hungry, so we started to discuss breakfast options. Big mistake…there should be no options…this is what you’re eating! Normally on the weekends, Mark and I do make breakfast together, and sit at the table and read the paper and chat. In any event, I did my best to tackle pancakes, eggs, bacon, etc. I’m working the grill, toaster, etc…but I didn’t feel like I was making any progress. Every time I turned around, it was more juice please, can I have another pancake, blah, blah, blah. One of my favorite movies, is A Christmas Story. In that movie, there’s a scene where the mom is cooking breakfast, and every time she turns around to sit down and eat, someone asks for something else. The narrator says that she hadn’t had a hot meal in years…. I was totally living in that moment, and unable to even run to the bathroom.
A bit later, Mark came out and took over, and was going to make some eggs for himself. Unfortunately, when he opened the refrigerator, the carton of eggs came crashing to the floor. His dream of the ultimate omelet would be just a dream. It was interesting, because Angel asked if Mark was going to get in trouble for breaking the eggs. We said no, why would you say that. She then told us a story of how Jenna had broken some eggs at her mom’s house, and Angel got punished for it. We tried to explain to her that accidents happen, and he didn’t do it on purpose, and there was no reason to punish anyone. She helped me get the mess cleaned up, and then I went back to bed for about an hr to decompress while Mark took over the reins.
As Mark was at the table with Angel eating, she asked if she and her siblings could come and live with us. Mark asked her why she wanted to live here. She told him that nobody is mean to little kids around here….
We finally finished cleaning up and got everything together, and headed to the pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins. They had a little petting zoo, and the kids enjoyed that. We picked out a few pumpkins and put them in our wagon. We then packed up the kids and headed home…
The kids were out in the backyard helping Mark water the plants. When they came back in the house, Jenna slipped on the water, and skinned her knee…just another trauma of the day. It was fine, and didn’t require a band-aid or anything…
After lunch, we had planned on going to the Elementary School Carnival that was going on around the corner from our house. We had lunch, and then put Bobby down for a nap which he was trying to fight off with all his might. I finally went and lay down with him and sang Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star in his ear. He finally fell asleep.
The girls were getting antsy and wanted to go to the carnival, so I left Bobby with Mark, and we headed to the school. On our way, we met one of the kids next door who’d won a goldfish…I prayed that booth would be closed by the time we got there…
We got to the carnival, and forked over some dough for tickets. I artfully dodged the gold fish booth, and we made our way to the cake walk. Angel did the cake walk about 4 times, and didn’t win anything. The world was going to stop rotating because she hadn’t won a cake… She was totally bummed, and we had a little talk about how you can’t always win, but it was fun to try.
I finally got her settled, when a fireman came up to her (they had a fire truck at the carnival) and asked her what was wrong. Of course the waterworks started again….I gave the fireman a bad time for pickin’ at the scab, I thought I had healed. He waved and said anytime! It was actually quite funny…
I tried to deflect Angel’s attention from the cake walk, by spotting the SpongeBob booth. There were teachers sticking their heads through the SpongeBob cut out, and kids could throw wet sponges at them. Angel and Jenna took turns and had a blast. They won some little prizes. We then moved on to the blow up slide…
About this time, Mark and Bobby still hadn’t appeared. We’d put Bobby down at about 10:30. It was going on 3:30… I called Mark, and he said the Bobby had just woken up, and they were on their way to the carnival. Of course in the back of my mind, some ominous music has begun to play….the boy slept for 5 hours…
When walking back from the carnival, we passed by our neighbor’s house on the corner and stopped by. They had asked us to come by so they could meet the kids. They are wonderful people and stood outside and chatted while the kids played in their fountain. Our neighbor said that she hadn’t decorated their house for Christmas for about 3 years…it just wasn’t worth the hassle. She said that this year, she can’t wait to get her Santa Village set up, and have the kids come over to see it. It was very touching that they inspired her in that way.
Now, I’d had these delusions of grandeur that I was going to make all of these homemade meals for the kids. And frankly, after rising with the troops at 5am, the thought of actually cooking a meal was wholly unappealing. That being said, Angel and I took off to Safeway where they were having hot meatloaf on sale for $5. Threw that in the cart, along with some mashed potatoes, and called it a day.
Everyone chowed down, and then it was time to make cookies for dessert. Angel said she’d never made them before, so I had her help me figure out the measurements, and read the recipe. Some of the cookies got a little well done as I was herding the kids on the other side of the house, but they weren’t bad. Each kid had a warm cookie and glass of milk and then off to bed. To say Mark and I were exhausted is a GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT.
I had mentioned before that everything had happened so quickly, so we have not put up all the security locks and such. Because of that, we have to be on high alert at all times. That plus the dog situation had my stress level over the edge. Now, throw into the mix a 2 year old boy who had a 5 hr nap, and I realize I am screwed.
Bobby normally sleeps in a crib, and we don’t have one, so were just using the bed in one of the guest rooms. Unfortunately, that means the little guy can get up and roam the halls at all hours. Luckily, our room is right next to his, so I could hear when he’d get up. That also means that I wasn’t sleeping.
I’d get up, put him back to bed, and lay down with him until he feel asleep. Seems like the minute I’d go back to my own bed, I’d hear the door open… Anyway, the final time was about 2:30 am. I put him back to bed, and waited for him to fall asleep. Unfortunately, I was the one doing the sleeping, and woke up a few minutes later, to an empty bed, and the bedroom door open. I went out on patrol, and found him in one of the bathrooms going through the cabinets under the sink. This about put me over the edge…we need to get this place baby boobie-trapped as soon as possible. I can’t function on DEFCON1 for extended periods.
We finally got him back to bed the final time about 4. The troops rose again at 5, and we started the cycle all over..
On Sunday, our neighbors had invited us to the Fall Festival at their church. It sounded very family friendly, so we happily accepted. The plan was to leave directly from that and take the kids back to Antioch. They were supposed to be back there at 3pm.
As we are driving to the church, I happened to look in the rear view mirror, and Angel had a little bit of blood dripping out of her nose. I had my inadequate (and I mean INADEQUATE) make shift diaper bag with just a handful of wipes, so passed those back to her. Soon it was a gusher, and there was blood everywhere. Mark and I were at our wits end. We got to the church, and dug through the trunk of the car, and found a pack of napkins that we used to stop the bleeding.
I had Mark take the two youngest, so that I could help the oldest get cleaned up. Finally after about 10 minutes, the bleeding stopped, and we were able to get going and enjoy the fun.
The Fall Fest was awesome and the kids had a blast! They got to actually be kids, and played in the bounce house, and on the slide. Soon it was time to take the kids back. There were lots of tears, and frankly we were all exhausted.
I honestly wondered if we could deal with this on a day in, day out basis. As I drove back to Antioch, I could watch all 3 kids in my rear view mirror sound asleep. Soon, my dear hubby squeezed my hand and drifted off to sleep as well.
The reality of what we are doing continues to sink in. We worry about finances, day care, dogs, etc. Will this all work? Are we doing the right thing? Are we too old to be tackling these responsibilities? I look at there little faces full of innocence and realize that these poor kids just happened to be born to parents that made poor decisions.
We pulled up to their current foster home, and woke them up and took them to the door. There were lots of tears as the kids wanted to stay with us. We explained that wasn’t possible yet but we were working on it.
I walked down the path back to the car, and I heard the current foster parent say something to the little girl. The little one ran after me with big tears in her eyes and said that she didn’t want to stay…she wanted to come with us. I tried to dry her tears and told her that there were many other good times to have, and that we would see her within the week. She gave me a big hug and kiss, and resigned herself to go back in the house she’d run out of.
Mark and I climbed back into the car, and like a cow with the barn insight, we headed home and collapsed.
Our next visit with the kids would be on Halloween....
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Dinner With Chuck...
E. Cheese that would be...! In Short: He's the Devil! But I digress...
We picked the kids up last night for our dinner at the promised Chuck E. Cheese. Wouldn't you know it, but in Sunday's paper there was a Chuck coupon (I've become a full blown clipper!), so stuck that in my purse.
The day started with a trip to the Regional Center for Bobby to be evaluated for special needs. High risk kids are evaluated to see if they need speech, physical, or other therapy. I received a call the night before from a social worker. She told me the bio dad was going to be at the appt, and he was okay with me being there. She wanted to make sure I was okay with it (I was).
In the note that they sent home for the appt, it mentioned bringing a snack in case he got hungry. I cut up an apple, got a cheese stick and a couple of graham crackers, and put them in my make-shift diaper bag tote.
I arrived at the appt and met the social workers who had picked Bobby up, as well as the evaluation team. Dad wasn't there yet, but we went ahead and got started. The social workers shared with me that Dad had been told on Friday that they were recommending that his rights be terminated. Apparently he was told at the supervised visit with the kids. She said it was very emotional with all parties crying at the end. She wanted to warn me in case he became emotional at the dr.
Bobby did GREAT, and bottom line, does not qualify for any special services which is a good thing. Almost an hr had passed, and dad still wasn't there. The SW finally called him and he was just parking. He'd been working in Richmond, and had been delayed. He got there right after they evaluation was completed.
He came into the room and was introduced to everyone. He shook hands with everyone, and the therapists gave him the high level summary. After we were done, one of the SW's told Dad that she had about an hr before she had to be back, and if Dad had time, they could do a visit in the park across the street. Dad said heck ya, he had the rest of the day.
On the way out the door, I handed Dad the apples, crackers, and cheese, along with a book and told them to have fun. I then headed out for my errands, which were to pick up a registration packet for Angel at our elementary school, and then to check out some child care centers.
The registration packet was easy as they knew I was coming, and our situation. The Public Health Nurse and SW's are helping with the forms. I then went to 2 child care centers, one with the Lutheran Church, and one was La Petite Academy.
Both centers were excellent in their own way. We are going with La Petite right now for a couple of reasons:
1. The Lutheran Church didn't have room for a full time student in their 2 year old class.
2. At La Petite we can pay by the week, versus paying for a whole month at once.
La Petite is a bit more expensive, however the weekly pay, versus monthly helps us out right now. Murphy and his laws have struck us all at once, as we have to figure out the day care costs on top of our scheduled gianormous property tax payment. We weren't expecting to have kids this quickly, so didn't have a lot of $$ tucked away. We will be receiving a stipend for the kids, but that won't kick in until 30 days after we are in full possession of the kids (which will be on Halloween). Nor do we know exactly how much it will be...Until then, we are just gonna keep our eyes closed, and hope we stretch the dollars as far as possible!
But back to Chuck. Our plan last night was to pick the kids up for dinner, and then bring them right back home. It's a school night, etc, and the foster family goes to bed on the early side, so they requested we bring them back as early as possible.
I picked the kids up at 5, and we said they'd be back by 7. Mark was coming from work, so was meeting me at Chuck's. I got the kids packed up, and on our way. We arrived at Chuck's about 10 minutes later.
Prior to picking up the kids, I'd stopped at the bank and got some cash. Mark had the money for dinner, but if he got stuck in traffic or whatever, and the kids had to stand there and watch the games without playing any, life would end as we know it. So my lucky coupons had something like 60 tokens for $15, so we got those to get started. Unfortunately, Chuck puts the ice cream machine right at the front door, so it's the first thing they see. I was able to deflect the ice cream requests to after dinner and get them into the arcade portion of the place.
I'd not been to Chuck for a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG time. I am thankful for 2 things:
We picked the kids up last night for our dinner at the promised Chuck E. Cheese. Wouldn't you know it, but in Sunday's paper there was a Chuck coupon (I've become a full blown clipper!), so stuck that in my purse.
The day started with a trip to the Regional Center for Bobby to be evaluated for special needs. High risk kids are evaluated to see if they need speech, physical, or other therapy. I received a call the night before from a social worker. She told me the bio dad was going to be at the appt, and he was okay with me being there. She wanted to make sure I was okay with it (I was).
In the note that they sent home for the appt, it mentioned bringing a snack in case he got hungry. I cut up an apple, got a cheese stick and a couple of graham crackers, and put them in my make-shift diaper bag tote.
I arrived at the appt and met the social workers who had picked Bobby up, as well as the evaluation team. Dad wasn't there yet, but we went ahead and got started. The social workers shared with me that Dad had been told on Friday that they were recommending that his rights be terminated. Apparently he was told at the supervised visit with the kids. She said it was very emotional with all parties crying at the end. She wanted to warn me in case he became emotional at the dr.
Bobby did GREAT, and bottom line, does not qualify for any special services which is a good thing. Almost an hr had passed, and dad still wasn't there. The SW finally called him and he was just parking. He'd been working in Richmond, and had been delayed. He got there right after they evaluation was completed.
He came into the room and was introduced to everyone. He shook hands with everyone, and the therapists gave him the high level summary. After we were done, one of the SW's told Dad that she had about an hr before she had to be back, and if Dad had time, they could do a visit in the park across the street. Dad said heck ya, he had the rest of the day.
On the way out the door, I handed Dad the apples, crackers, and cheese, along with a book and told them to have fun. I then headed out for my errands, which were to pick up a registration packet for Angel at our elementary school, and then to check out some child care centers.
The registration packet was easy as they knew I was coming, and our situation. The Public Health Nurse and SW's are helping with the forms. I then went to 2 child care centers, one with the Lutheran Church, and one was La Petite Academy.
Both centers were excellent in their own way. We are going with La Petite right now for a couple of reasons:
1. The Lutheran Church didn't have room for a full time student in their 2 year old class.
2. At La Petite we can pay by the week, versus paying for a whole month at once.
La Petite is a bit more expensive, however the weekly pay, versus monthly helps us out right now. Murphy and his laws have struck us all at once, as we have to figure out the day care costs on top of our scheduled gianormous property tax payment. We weren't expecting to have kids this quickly, so didn't have a lot of $$ tucked away. We will be receiving a stipend for the kids, but that won't kick in until 30 days after we are in full possession of the kids (which will be on Halloween). Nor do we know exactly how much it will be...Until then, we are just gonna keep our eyes closed, and hope we stretch the dollars as far as possible!
But back to Chuck. Our plan last night was to pick the kids up for dinner, and then bring them right back home. It's a school night, etc, and the foster family goes to bed on the early side, so they requested we bring them back as early as possible.
I picked the kids up at 5, and we said they'd be back by 7. Mark was coming from work, so was meeting me at Chuck's. I got the kids packed up, and on our way. We arrived at Chuck's about 10 minutes later.
Prior to picking up the kids, I'd stopped at the bank and got some cash. Mark had the money for dinner, but if he got stuck in traffic or whatever, and the kids had to stand there and watch the games without playing any, life would end as we know it. So my lucky coupons had something like 60 tokens for $15, so we got those to get started. Unfortunately, Chuck puts the ice cream machine right at the front door, so it's the first thing they see. I was able to deflect the ice cream requests to after dinner and get them into the arcade portion of the place.
I'd not been to Chuck for a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG time. I am thankful for 2 things:
- We were there when it wasn't crowded.
- They have someone watching the exit.
Now...if only Mark was there to help me! He was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic of course!
Thankfully, Angel is very sweet and cooperative, so helped me rustle the little ones to some extent. By the time Mark got there, I felt as if I'd run a marathon. Jenna especially has a tendency to dash away. I totally understand now why some parents have their kids on a leash. In some instances, it really is a safety issue.
Mark finally arrived, and we ordered our Pizza and drinks with the coupon (and more tokens!). We each rustled kids while they played games and collected tickets. At the point where Jenna was picking up random drinks off of tables and taking sips, I realized we needed to get their beverages, and find our table. I ran off to do that while Mark took his turn watching all of them.
Pretty soon the pizza arrived, but Mark and Angel were off on the other side of the building. I was trying to chase Jenna and Bobby down, and get his attention. After screaming his name across the room several times, I got his attention. I got Bobby seated in his booster, and then tackled Ms. Jenna.
Jenna has a history of 'failure to thrive' and initially wanted NOTHING to do with sitting down and eating. She threw herself down for a tantrum, and I scooped her up, and told her that even if she wasn't hungry, she needed to sit with the family. We also wisely placed her on the inside of a booth, so her escape options were limited. I'd gotten Jenna and Bobby some punch and Angel a soda as a treat, and all started drinking away. We doled out the pizza, and started chowing down.
Jenna became the pizza connoisseur. She sprinkled parmesan on her slice, and then ate like a trooper! We did the 'one more bite' thing a few times, and then the threat of no dessert. She ate 90% of it, so we were quite happy! Eveyone else chowed down as well. Chuck doesn't make the best pizza in the world, so I just had a small slice.
At this point, it was time to work through the tokens. We'd told the foster parents that we would have them back by 7, so at this point it's about 6:15. Based on our privious outings, and how everything takes 10 times longer than planned, I told Mark we needed to get dessert, cash in the tickets, and get on our way.
As mentioned before, there's an Ice Cream machine, right at the entrance. They also have cotton candy hanging in back of the counter. Angel had actually mentioned on the way there, that her favorite kind of candy was cotton candy, so they kids got a choice: Ice cream, or cotton candy. Bobby didn't want anything, but Angel got a pink cotton candy, and Jenna a blue. Jenna hated it and immediately wanted to go play some more. Angel tried both, and decided she actually liked the blue better. I encouraged her NOT to eat the whole thing, and that we could save it for next time...
Then it was time to cash in the tickets. We had roughly 100 tickets, so settled on a lip balm thing for Angel, and got a sticker set for Bobby and one for Jenna. Then it was time to pack up and go.
In the car, they wanted more cotton candy, so I doled out portions. Bobby wanted some as well, so I handed him a little blob. He proceeded to stick it on his carseat, and asked for more. I said no, and the screaming began. We just ignored it and Angel and I kept talking, and he stopped by the time we exited the parking lot. Then he started doing this fake snoring thing he does. It's actually pretty funny!
We got them back to the house, and up to the door by 7pm. We wanted to see them again on Thursday, but the foster parent said that school nights are bad, and can we just do it Friday and keep the kids all weekend....so that's what we are going to do.
Mark and I felt like we'd run a marathon, and fell into bed once we got home....
I chatted with the SW today about that, and she was irritated as it affects the transition with the kids. I told her that we will make it work, and would have the kids full time starting Halloween if all goes well.
We still have issues with the dogs and the kids and getting them used to eachother. We also still have some kid proofing to do.
Saturday there is actually a carnival at the elementry school that Angel will go to, so we are going to that. Sunday is a Fall Festival at our friends church, so that should be fun as well.
So that is the latest and the greatest!
The Quest For Mr. Bubble....
The First Full Day Foster/Adopt Update:
Saturday was our first full day with the kids, so thought I would send out another update....
Our last visit with the kids was on Thursday night. Our plan that night, was to take them to dinner, run to Target, bring them to our house, bathe them and get them ready for bed, and back to their current foster home by 8 (their normal bedtime). That was an ABSOLUTE bust, as we never even got out of the restaurant until after 8, and got the kids back to their foster home un-bathed, etc. We WAY underestimated our time...
So based on Thursdays experience, we attempted to scale back our expectations of what we could accomplish. After picking up the kids at 9:30, we brought them home so they could meet the dogs. They weren't able to do that on Thursday as both the kids and dogs were too worked up. We also explained to the kids, that we originally said that we were going to do all of these things on Saturday (Target, pumpkin patch, costume shopping, swimming, eating choc ice cream...), we may not get to everything, and need to prioritize. We explained that our priority for Saturday was to get to Target (we needed basics like diapers), as well as ice cream (which we'd promised Angel after Thursdays fiasco). If we accomplished nothing else, at least we would have diapers and ice cream. What could be better than that!!!
Saturday was better, but we still have some work to do. The kids are not used to being around pets at all. So they were a bit afraid, and let loose with lots of screams and squeals. This or course got the pups worked up. We progressed slowly, and let the dogs in an out on a very frequent basis so they could get to know each other.
They then announced they were hungry, so we had our first snack of the day. I had made a grocery run on Friday night, and picked up some strawberries and other fruit. We washed and diced some berries, and they all happily chowed down...
Our friend Kathy D. had kindly dropped off 2 booster car seats Saturday morning. These worked perfectly at the kitchen table as booster seats for the 2 youngest. We will also use one in the car as we are currently borrowing one car seat from the foster family....
Our table and chairs as well as plates, flatware, etc look even more like they were made for the Flintstones. Everything is so oversized in comparison to the little ones...We need to get some kid sized flatware...
Friday night, Mark and I meticulously made our list for Target, so after snack time, we hustled the kids into the car, and made our way there. Of course we forgot the list.... Mark and I had in our minds, that we would get the kids Mr. Bubble to take their bath that night. We also needed to get diapers, little swimmers, kids shampoo, etc. On the way to Target, Bobby fell asleep in his car seat. Mark said he'd stay with him in the car to sleep. I of course, said heck no...you guys are coming in with me!
We strapped Bobby into one cart, and Jenna in the other, and the five us went on our first Target excursion. We made our way to the soap section, and spent 20 minutes looking for kid soap and Mr. Bubble. Mark and I commiserated on how we couldn't find the Mr....where could he be? Mark thought it might be by the Calgon products. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking why would they do that? The relaxing Calgon products next to the hyper kids taking a bath products? Sort of seemed a bit oxymoronish, but...we couldn't find it either...Mr Bubble, or Calgon....
We finally break down and ask a clerk who directs us to the infant section which has a whole aisle devoted to the kiddie stuff. We hit the motherlode! The Mr. was there, but not in his old powdered form that we remembered from our very long ago youth. He's now been relegated to a liquid form. We bought the economy size... We also invested in some kids shampoo and toothbrushes.
This also brought us to the diaper aisle. Jenna wears pull-ups and Bobby of course is still in diapers. Mark and I looked at the 8 million varieties of diapers with deer in the headlights looks on our faces. These are all sized by a number (1-5 for example), that is based on the weight of the child. They are making a big assumption....that you know the weight of your child... So Mark has Bobby, and innocently approaches a woman in the baby dept, that has a child approximately the same size as Bobby. Mark strikes up a conversation with her, and asks what size diapers he wears as we are trying to figure it out. She tells Mark they are based on weight... Mark tells her, we don't know how much the kids weigh. She practically re-coiled from him as if how could you not know what your child weighs? I then came around the corner, and explained that we had no clue what we were doing, that we were foster/adopting, and didn't know about this weight thing, or what kind we should buy. She totally changed her tune, told us what size the kids needed, and which ones she recommended and why. It was too funny. At this point, we are running way behind our fantasy schedule, and need to step it up. Of course at this time, both Jenna and Angel announce that they need to go to the bathroom....
Jenna is trying to get the potty training thing going, and has told me a few times that she needs to go. I spoke w/the dr on Thursday and we discussed this. He said based on the changes in their lives, not to worry too much about this now. Tackle it after the kids are settled. Of course if she's going to tell me she needs to go, I'm going to take her....
We go into the large stall, and Angel does her thing. Jenna, in the meantime is more interested in climbing under the stall and playing with the hand dryer. I realize at this time, potty time isn't going to happen with her right now. We get Angel washed up, and out of there as quickly as possible.
At this point, we are going on 2+ hrs at Target, and don't even have 1/2 of what we 'think' was on our list. We quickly huddle up, and decide that if we can just get a pair of jammies per kid, we are going to make a hasty exit and get the heck out of here... We quickly throw some sponge bob jams, along with football and a princess pair into the cart and make our exit...$200 later, we were loading stuff in the car...
My Dad, Howie, Di and Lilly were meeting at our house on Saturday to both meet the kids, and Lilly is out of school for a week, so they are taking in the sights of the city. I'd left a key under the mat at home for dad, and also asked him to stop at Scott and Kristy's in Livermore for some supplies (THANK YOU!). These included swimsuits and life jackets, along with shelving and a bunch of stuff we haven't even gotten to yet....
Dad was there already, and we got the car unloaded and the kids in the house. Time for lunch, so we made some sandwiches. The kids were good at sitting at the table eating. Still, we wish we didn't have carpet in 99% of the house....
After lunch, we asked if they wanted to go swimming. Jenna immediately started peeling off her clothes. Kristy had sent a Dora the Explorer swimsuit that fit her perfectly. The other was a bit small for Angel, so we went through the loaner drawer in the bedroom, and found one that fit perfect, that she LOVED. Bobby didn't want to swim at all so hung out with dad on the bench (which was okay since we only had 2 life jackets at the time).
Before going into the pool area, we talked to them all about pool safety while we were putting on their life jackets. Angel insisted that she knew how to swim (NOT), and Jenna just jumped right in and got a mouth full of water. Mark took Angel around, and I took Jenna. We also took Biscuit in for a swim too...
A bit later, I took Jenna into the hot tub where she proceed to float in my arms and drift off to sleep....
After about an hr or so, we went back in the house, and changed, and then sat down to watch a movie. We made some popcorn, and each got their own little bowl. In the meantime, the rest of the family arrived. Lilly played the role of older cousin perfectly, and took lots pictures that they will download when they get home. The kids ran around, and again, we tried to acclimate them to the dogs.
We had been told that Jenna had a tendency to 'rage', and got a small piece of that behavior on Saturday. She was running around the empty living room, and running into the glass in the french doors. I had visions of her running through the door with a million pieces of glass everywhere. I made her stop, which she didn't like, and proceeded to kick me and throw herself on the ground crying. She and I were the only ones in the living room, and I got down and whispered in her ear that when she was done having her fit, to please come into the kitchen and apologize to me. Less than 30 seconds later, with her audience gone, she was in the kitchen with me and said sorry. (Thank you SuperNanny, and Nanny911...my two new favorite shows).
We were supposed to have the kids back at 8pm, so backed up dinner and baths to accommodate that. We had our Mickey Mouse Spaghetti with the family at about 5:30, then had the promised ice cream from Thursday. Then it was time for the bath brigade....
We filled the tub in our room up with Mr. Bubble, and started with the kids, one by one. As we went through them, it became obvious, that with Mr. Bubble, when you wash your hair, it's impossible to rinse the soap out, as Mr. Bubble is naturally...soapy... So when each child was done with their bath, they were transferred to the shower, where they were hosed off, and then dried...we had a little assembly line going that seemed to work fine...only problem is there were 3-4 adults helping....and in 'real life' there will only HOPEFULLY always be 2. We got them dried, diapered, and jammied, and told them it was time to go back to the other foster home. They didn't want to go, but again we talked about when we would see them again, and that soon they would be with us full time...
We loaded them up in the car seats and Bobby and Jenna were out in about 5 minutes. We got to their home, and it was pitch black. For a minute there, we thought that maybe the foster parents weren't home. I carried a sleeping Jenna up to the dark house and rang the bell. The light came one, and the dad came down. We got all of the kids in the house safely, and up the stairs to bed.... Mark and I collapsed. By the time we came home, the dogs had collapsed as well, and were in their beds, sound asleep...
Our next outing with the kids is Tuesday, so we will see how that goes. I'm accompanying Bobby to a dr appt in the am, and working with the social workers on other issues. We are hoping to transition the kids Halloween weekend, but still have a lot to do regarding day care, school, etc. I'm taking tomorrow off to deal with all of this stuff.
I spoke to our social worker today about the issues with therapy, car seats, school, etc that we encountered last week. She's assisting us on getting some answers so we can put together a plan...
Our neighbors have been WONDERFUL and by Saturday all had come by to meet the kids and offered wonderful advise, encouragement, toys, everything! So thank you so much!
Our family and friends have been equally WONDERFUL and generous, and we appreciate everything! More than one person has told us DON'T BUY ANYTHING until you ask us, so that's what we are doing! We have been very blessed with lots of goodies!
Saturday was our first full day with the kids, so thought I would send out another update....
Our last visit with the kids was on Thursday night. Our plan that night, was to take them to dinner, run to Target, bring them to our house, bathe them and get them ready for bed, and back to their current foster home by 8 (their normal bedtime). That was an ABSOLUTE bust, as we never even got out of the restaurant until after 8, and got the kids back to their foster home un-bathed, etc. We WAY underestimated our time...
So based on Thursdays experience, we attempted to scale back our expectations of what we could accomplish. After picking up the kids at 9:30, we brought them home so they could meet the dogs. They weren't able to do that on Thursday as both the kids and dogs were too worked up. We also explained to the kids, that we originally said that we were going to do all of these things on Saturday (Target, pumpkin patch, costume shopping, swimming, eating choc ice cream...), we may not get to everything, and need to prioritize. We explained that our priority for Saturday was to get to Target (we needed basics like diapers), as well as ice cream (which we'd promised Angel after Thursdays fiasco). If we accomplished nothing else, at least we would have diapers and ice cream. What could be better than that!!!
Saturday was better, but we still have some work to do. The kids are not used to being around pets at all. So they were a bit afraid, and let loose with lots of screams and squeals. This or course got the pups worked up. We progressed slowly, and let the dogs in an out on a very frequent basis so they could get to know each other.
They then announced they were hungry, so we had our first snack of the day. I had made a grocery run on Friday night, and picked up some strawberries and other fruit. We washed and diced some berries, and they all happily chowed down...
Our friend Kathy D. had kindly dropped off 2 booster car seats Saturday morning. These worked perfectly at the kitchen table as booster seats for the 2 youngest. We will also use one in the car as we are currently borrowing one car seat from the foster family....
Our table and chairs as well as plates, flatware, etc look even more like they were made for the Flintstones. Everything is so oversized in comparison to the little ones...We need to get some kid sized flatware...
Friday night, Mark and I meticulously made our list for Target, so after snack time, we hustled the kids into the car, and made our way there. Of course we forgot the list.... Mark and I had in our minds, that we would get the kids Mr. Bubble to take their bath that night. We also needed to get diapers, little swimmers, kids shampoo, etc. On the way to Target, Bobby fell asleep in his car seat. Mark said he'd stay with him in the car to sleep. I of course, said heck no...you guys are coming in with me!
We strapped Bobby into one cart, and Jenna in the other, and the five us went on our first Target excursion. We made our way to the soap section, and spent 20 minutes looking for kid soap and Mr. Bubble. Mark and I commiserated on how we couldn't find the Mr....where could he be? Mark thought it might be by the Calgon products. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking why would they do that? The relaxing Calgon products next to the hyper kids taking a bath products? Sort of seemed a bit oxymoronish, but...we couldn't find it either...Mr Bubble, or Calgon....
We finally break down and ask a clerk who directs us to the infant section which has a whole aisle devoted to the kiddie stuff. We hit the motherlode! The Mr. was there, but not in his old powdered form that we remembered from our very long ago youth. He's now been relegated to a liquid form. We bought the economy size... We also invested in some kids shampoo and toothbrushes.
This also brought us to the diaper aisle. Jenna wears pull-ups and Bobby of course is still in diapers. Mark and I looked at the 8 million varieties of diapers with deer in the headlights looks on our faces. These are all sized by a number (1-5 for example), that is based on the weight of the child. They are making a big assumption....that you know the weight of your child... So Mark has Bobby, and innocently approaches a woman in the baby dept, that has a child approximately the same size as Bobby. Mark strikes up a conversation with her, and asks what size diapers he wears as we are trying to figure it out. She tells Mark they are based on weight... Mark tells her, we don't know how much the kids weigh. She practically re-coiled from him as if how could you not know what your child weighs? I then came around the corner, and explained that we had no clue what we were doing, that we were foster/adopting, and didn't know about this weight thing, or what kind we should buy. She totally changed her tune, told us what size the kids needed, and which ones she recommended and why. It was too funny. At this point, we are running way behind our fantasy schedule, and need to step it up. Of course at this time, both Jenna and Angel announce that they need to go to the bathroom....
Jenna is trying to get the potty training thing going, and has told me a few times that she needs to go. I spoke w/the dr on Thursday and we discussed this. He said based on the changes in their lives, not to worry too much about this now. Tackle it after the kids are settled. Of course if she's going to tell me she needs to go, I'm going to take her....
We go into the large stall, and Angel does her thing. Jenna, in the meantime is more interested in climbing under the stall and playing with the hand dryer. I realize at this time, potty time isn't going to happen with her right now. We get Angel washed up, and out of there as quickly as possible.
At this point, we are going on 2+ hrs at Target, and don't even have 1/2 of what we 'think' was on our list. We quickly huddle up, and decide that if we can just get a pair of jammies per kid, we are going to make a hasty exit and get the heck out of here... We quickly throw some sponge bob jams, along with football and a princess pair into the cart and make our exit...$200 later, we were loading stuff in the car...
My Dad, Howie, Di and Lilly were meeting at our house on Saturday to both meet the kids, and Lilly is out of school for a week, so they are taking in the sights of the city. I'd left a key under the mat at home for dad, and also asked him to stop at Scott and Kristy's in Livermore for some supplies (THANK YOU!). These included swimsuits and life jackets, along with shelving and a bunch of stuff we haven't even gotten to yet....
Dad was there already, and we got the car unloaded and the kids in the house. Time for lunch, so we made some sandwiches. The kids were good at sitting at the table eating. Still, we wish we didn't have carpet in 99% of the house....
After lunch, we asked if they wanted to go swimming. Jenna immediately started peeling off her clothes. Kristy had sent a Dora the Explorer swimsuit that fit her perfectly. The other was a bit small for Angel, so we went through the loaner drawer in the bedroom, and found one that fit perfect, that she LOVED. Bobby didn't want to swim at all so hung out with dad on the bench (which was okay since we only had 2 life jackets at the time).
Before going into the pool area, we talked to them all about pool safety while we were putting on their life jackets. Angel insisted that she knew how to swim (NOT), and Jenna just jumped right in and got a mouth full of water. Mark took Angel around, and I took Jenna. We also took Biscuit in for a swim too...
A bit later, I took Jenna into the hot tub where she proceed to float in my arms and drift off to sleep....
After about an hr or so, we went back in the house, and changed, and then sat down to watch a movie. We made some popcorn, and each got their own little bowl. In the meantime, the rest of the family arrived. Lilly played the role of older cousin perfectly, and took lots pictures that they will download when they get home. The kids ran around, and again, we tried to acclimate them to the dogs.
We had been told that Jenna had a tendency to 'rage', and got a small piece of that behavior on Saturday. She was running around the empty living room, and running into the glass in the french doors. I had visions of her running through the door with a million pieces of glass everywhere. I made her stop, which she didn't like, and proceeded to kick me and throw herself on the ground crying. She and I were the only ones in the living room, and I got down and whispered in her ear that when she was done having her fit, to please come into the kitchen and apologize to me. Less than 30 seconds later, with her audience gone, she was in the kitchen with me and said sorry. (Thank you SuperNanny, and Nanny911...my two new favorite shows).
We were supposed to have the kids back at 8pm, so backed up dinner and baths to accommodate that. We had our Mickey Mouse Spaghetti with the family at about 5:30, then had the promised ice cream from Thursday. Then it was time for the bath brigade....
We filled the tub in our room up with Mr. Bubble, and started with the kids, one by one. As we went through them, it became obvious, that with Mr. Bubble, when you wash your hair, it's impossible to rinse the soap out, as Mr. Bubble is naturally...soapy... So when each child was done with their bath, they were transferred to the shower, where they were hosed off, and then dried...we had a little assembly line going that seemed to work fine...only problem is there were 3-4 adults helping....and in 'real life' there will only HOPEFULLY always be 2. We got them dried, diapered, and jammied, and told them it was time to go back to the other foster home. They didn't want to go, but again we talked about when we would see them again, and that soon they would be with us full time...
We loaded them up in the car seats and Bobby and Jenna were out in about 5 minutes. We got to their home, and it was pitch black. For a minute there, we thought that maybe the foster parents weren't home. I carried a sleeping Jenna up to the dark house and rang the bell. The light came one, and the dad came down. We got all of the kids in the house safely, and up the stairs to bed.... Mark and I collapsed. By the time we came home, the dogs had collapsed as well, and were in their beds, sound asleep...
Our next outing with the kids is Tuesday, so we will see how that goes. I'm accompanying Bobby to a dr appt in the am, and working with the social workers on other issues. We are hoping to transition the kids Halloween weekend, but still have a lot to do regarding day care, school, etc. I'm taking tomorrow off to deal with all of this stuff.
I spoke to our social worker today about the issues with therapy, car seats, school, etc that we encountered last week. She's assisting us on getting some answers so we can put together a plan...
Our neighbors have been WONDERFUL and by Saturday all had come by to meet the kids and offered wonderful advise, encouragement, toys, everything! So thank you so much!
Our family and friends have been equally WONDERFUL and generous, and we appreciate everything! More than one person has told us DON'T BUY ANYTHING until you ask us, so that's what we are doing! We have been very blessed with lots of goodies!
Meeting the Kids....
Wanted to give you another update on where we are with the Foster/Adopt process. I've tried to make a distribution list so I don't forget anyone...but may have missed a few, so will catch up with you later. Forward to anyone you think I may have missed....
In any event, yesterday was our first meeting with the kids... Wanted to let you know a little bit about how it went:
First off, it's time for my weekly rant about the system: I have to tell you that based on what Mark and I have seen through this process, it's amazing if kids can come out of this process unscathed. They are shifted around from home to home, with a bunch of people they don't know. Don't know what's going on...NOTHING. I can't imagine living my little life in such flux that you don't have a sense of security, love, attention...it's really very sad.
That being said, we were scheduled to meet with the kids late yesterday afternoon. The meeting was originally supposed to be at the current foster parents home, however the day before she'd had her carpets cleaned, and apparently there was a problem with that, so it was moved to the social services building in Antioch. The plan was to meet the kids and interact with them for about an hour, and then chat with the social workers and figure out what the deal was...
Again, there were 3 social workers with us, and per usual none of them had met the kids. In addition, we had been told last week to put together a little book of our family, with pictures. The plan was for the social worker to see the kids on Friday or Monday of last week and show them the books so they would have an idea of what is going on. That never happened. Luckily, I'd printed copies of it, and had taken them with me...
We arrived about 15 minutes early and sat in the lobby of the social services building. Shortly there after, the social workers showed up...and we sat..and sat...and sat... Finally, the social worker who arranged the meeting called the current foster parent to see what was going on. The current foster parent told the social worker that she'd never called back to confirm, so she wasn't planning on bringing the kids. The social worker asked the parent if she would mind if we came over to her house (they are only about 10 minutes from the office). Parent said no. Social worker said, well, how about we bring them over, and they can meet the kids on the lawn in front of your house. Foster Parent says no. They finally agree that Foster Dad will drive the kids over to the office. 45 minutes later, the kids come with the Foster Dad...
The kids came into the building, and as you might recall, there were the 3, Angel, Jenna, and Robert. Robert just turned 2 the first part of Sept. He was very leery, and very teary eyed, to the point of almost crying. Angel is the big sister, and took Robert's hand, and guided him into the building.
We'd gotten A LOT of conflicting information about the kids, so were very curious to see how they were. Our social worker originally said that they were all okay except for Jenna who had mild CP and suffered a stroke at 6 months old. However, it was originally presented to us that the other 2 were fine, and Jenna was very functional, etc. However, during our visit with the 3 social workers last week, we read the medical reports, and it appeared that Jenna's issues were much more severe than we had been told. We were very curious to see how they truly were.
Angel the oldest, is actually in 1st grade. She was very bright, outgoing, and communicative. She had her pink High School Musical shirt on, and of course I was wearing my pink signature color, so fit right in! We chatted about that, and then met Jenna. Jenna is absolutely adorable. She's supposed to wear a leg brace which she didn't have on. One of her legs turns in slightly, but other than that, you'd really never know she had any issues aside from communication. When you talk to her, she appears to comprehend what you're saying, and did say a few words to Mark and I. Definitely better than we expected after reading last weeks report. She was even showing us how she could hop up and down! Much more than we'd expected....
Robert as mentioned before, was very teary eyed and fearful. They escorted all of us to a play room, and Robert wanted nothing to do with us. Angel had him sit next to her, and had him help her open her present. He perked up, and then we handed him his. It went uphill from there!
We'd gotten Angel a Barbie set that we'd gotten at Costco on Sunday. It had Babs, along with a BBQ set that reminded Mark and I of the BBQ island in our backyard. When she got the paper off the package, she immediately said I Love Barbie!!! We'd gotten Jenna a toy where it tells you to push an animal or a number, so that she could learn colors, animals, etc. Robert we'd gotten a See and Say. Soon they were all playing with their goodies and making lots of noise.
When we'd gone into the playroom, Mark and I chose to sit down on the floor, so we would be more at eye level with the kids as we got to know them. As I said before, we'd made a book for each child that told about our home, families, and neighborhood. Mark picked one of the books up, and Angel came over and sat on his lap and started looking at it with him. He started to read it, and pretty soon he had Jenna sitting on the other side of his lap listening to the story and looking at the pictures. When we put together the book, we decided to include some pictures of the kids in our neighborhood. They were VERY excited to see the pictures of the Jones and Simeone Families so thanks Sylvia and Kathy!!!Robert and I continued playing with the See and Say...
Our visit lasted about 15 minutes and we chit chatted with the kids. It was time to wrap everything up, and we asked the kids if they would like to come to dinner with us on Thursday and see our house. They said yes, and seemed very excited. We were packing up the toys, and Mark asked them, do you want to take these with you, or do you want us to take them home, and you can play with them when you come over to our house? Surprisingly enough, they said that they wanted us to take them, so that they could play with them when they came over.
After the visit the social workers told us that everything went very well in their opinion, and that the kids were starved for affection and attention. We decided that we are going to pick the kids up at the foster parents house tomorrow evening and take them to dinner, and show them our home. Then on Saturday, we are going to pick them up about 9am, and keep them until about 7pm. We will probably take them to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin, and then maybe costume shopping. We will probably set up another dinner next week, and then another Sat or Sun visit. Halloween with be their first overnight visit with us.
Tomorrow morning there's a visit with the Public Health Nurse for the kids, and I am going to meet them, and the foster parents at the doctors office. They are going to evaluate Robert's needs if any, and see if there are any special services he needs. Next week we have one more evaluation appt for the kids.
I called the Elementary School around the corner from us about enrollment, and they just called me back and told me what I need to enroll the kids. Then I need to get Jenna's schedule to see what the scoop is with that as she goes to a therapy/pre-school combo. This week and next, I also need to research care for Robert. Once we have all of our options, Mark and I will sit down and lay out a game plan for who does what when, so that we can adjust schedules and figure out our routine.
Wanted to give you the latest and greatest update. We were in a hurry yesterday to pack up the stuff and get in the car to meet the kids, that I forgot our camera :( However, we'll take some pictures after our visit tomorrow.
We are very excited about having the kids on Saturday. We've got some family coming over this weekend, so it will be nice to introduce them to the kids.
In any event, thank you all for your kind words, support, thoughts and prayers. We will keep you posted on our progress!
In any event, yesterday was our first meeting with the kids... Wanted to let you know a little bit about how it went:
First off, it's time for my weekly rant about the system: I have to tell you that based on what Mark and I have seen through this process, it's amazing if kids can come out of this process unscathed. They are shifted around from home to home, with a bunch of people they don't know. Don't know what's going on...NOTHING. I can't imagine living my little life in such flux that you don't have a sense of security, love, attention...it's really very sad.
That being said, we were scheduled to meet with the kids late yesterday afternoon. The meeting was originally supposed to be at the current foster parents home, however the day before she'd had her carpets cleaned, and apparently there was a problem with that, so it was moved to the social services building in Antioch. The plan was to meet the kids and interact with them for about an hour, and then chat with the social workers and figure out what the deal was...
Again, there were 3 social workers with us, and per usual none of them had met the kids. In addition, we had been told last week to put together a little book of our family, with pictures. The plan was for the social worker to see the kids on Friday or Monday of last week and show them the books so they would have an idea of what is going on. That never happened. Luckily, I'd printed copies of it, and had taken them with me...
We arrived about 15 minutes early and sat in the lobby of the social services building. Shortly there after, the social workers showed up...and we sat..and sat...and sat... Finally, the social worker who arranged the meeting called the current foster parent to see what was going on. The current foster parent told the social worker that she'd never called back to confirm, so she wasn't planning on bringing the kids. The social worker asked the parent if she would mind if we came over to her house (they are only about 10 minutes from the office). Parent said no. Social worker said, well, how about we bring them over, and they can meet the kids on the lawn in front of your house. Foster Parent says no. They finally agree that Foster Dad will drive the kids over to the office. 45 minutes later, the kids come with the Foster Dad...
The kids came into the building, and as you might recall, there were the 3, Angel, Jenna, and Robert. Robert just turned 2 the first part of Sept. He was very leery, and very teary eyed, to the point of almost crying. Angel is the big sister, and took Robert's hand, and guided him into the building.
We'd gotten A LOT of conflicting information about the kids, so were very curious to see how they were. Our social worker originally said that they were all okay except for Jenna who had mild CP and suffered a stroke at 6 months old. However, it was originally presented to us that the other 2 were fine, and Jenna was very functional, etc. However, during our visit with the 3 social workers last week, we read the medical reports, and it appeared that Jenna's issues were much more severe than we had been told. We were very curious to see how they truly were.
Angel the oldest, is actually in 1st grade. She was very bright, outgoing, and communicative. She had her pink High School Musical shirt on, and of course I was wearing my pink signature color, so fit right in! We chatted about that, and then met Jenna. Jenna is absolutely adorable. She's supposed to wear a leg brace which she didn't have on. One of her legs turns in slightly, but other than that, you'd really never know she had any issues aside from communication. When you talk to her, she appears to comprehend what you're saying, and did say a few words to Mark and I. Definitely better than we expected after reading last weeks report. She was even showing us how she could hop up and down! Much more than we'd expected....
Robert as mentioned before, was very teary eyed and fearful. They escorted all of us to a play room, and Robert wanted nothing to do with us. Angel had him sit next to her, and had him help her open her present. He perked up, and then we handed him his. It went uphill from there!
We'd gotten Angel a Barbie set that we'd gotten at Costco on Sunday. It had Babs, along with a BBQ set that reminded Mark and I of the BBQ island in our backyard. When she got the paper off the package, she immediately said I Love Barbie!!! We'd gotten Jenna a toy where it tells you to push an animal or a number, so that she could learn colors, animals, etc. Robert we'd gotten a See and Say. Soon they were all playing with their goodies and making lots of noise.
When we'd gone into the playroom, Mark and I chose to sit down on the floor, so we would be more at eye level with the kids as we got to know them. As I said before, we'd made a book for each child that told about our home, families, and neighborhood. Mark picked one of the books up, and Angel came over and sat on his lap and started looking at it with him. He started to read it, and pretty soon he had Jenna sitting on the other side of his lap listening to the story and looking at the pictures. When we put together the book, we decided to include some pictures of the kids in our neighborhood. They were VERY excited to see the pictures of the Jones and Simeone Families so thanks Sylvia and Kathy!!!Robert and I continued playing with the See and Say...
Our visit lasted about 15 minutes and we chit chatted with the kids. It was time to wrap everything up, and we asked the kids if they would like to come to dinner with us on Thursday and see our house. They said yes, and seemed very excited. We were packing up the toys, and Mark asked them, do you want to take these with you, or do you want us to take them home, and you can play with them when you come over to our house? Surprisingly enough, they said that they wanted us to take them, so that they could play with them when they came over.
After the visit the social workers told us that everything went very well in their opinion, and that the kids were starved for affection and attention. We decided that we are going to pick the kids up at the foster parents house tomorrow evening and take them to dinner, and show them our home. Then on Saturday, we are going to pick them up about 9am, and keep them until about 7pm. We will probably take them to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin, and then maybe costume shopping. We will probably set up another dinner next week, and then another Sat or Sun visit. Halloween with be their first overnight visit with us.
Tomorrow morning there's a visit with the Public Health Nurse for the kids, and I am going to meet them, and the foster parents at the doctors office. They are going to evaluate Robert's needs if any, and see if there are any special services he needs. Next week we have one more evaluation appt for the kids.
I called the Elementary School around the corner from us about enrollment, and they just called me back and told me what I need to enroll the kids. Then I need to get Jenna's schedule to see what the scoop is with that as she goes to a therapy/pre-school combo. This week and next, I also need to research care for Robert. Once we have all of our options, Mark and I will sit down and lay out a game plan for who does what when, so that we can adjust schedules and figure out our routine.
Wanted to give you the latest and greatest update. We were in a hurry yesterday to pack up the stuff and get in the car to meet the kids, that I forgot our camera :( However, we'll take some pictures after our visit tomorrow.
We are very excited about having the kids on Saturday. We've got some family coming over this weekend, so it will be nice to introduce them to the kids.
In any event, thank you all for your kind words, support, thoughts and prayers. We will keep you posted on our progress!
Meeting with the Social Workers....
I wanted to touch base with you and follow-up to our message last week about our journey through the Foster/Adopt process. First of all, thank you so much for all of your prayers and good wishes. For some, this might be the first you've heard of this. I'm sorry if I missed you on last weeks communication on what we're doing, but everything is happening VERY quickly. Mark and I are excited about the opportunity of making a difference in some children's lives. That being said, I mentioned last week, that we had a meeting with some social workers yesterday about the opportunity for becoming Foster/Adoptive parents to 3 siblings, ages 2, 4, and 6. I wanted to fill you in as our journey progresses...
First off, what an eye opener social services is. Honestly, both Mark and I feel blessed that we grew up with loving and supportive parents, and made it to adulthood with relatively few bumps in the road. Our meeting consisted of Mark and I along with 3 social workers. One represented the children, one represented us, and one was an observer. The process was that the children's social worker presented their case to us, we were able to ask questions (we brought a list of about 40), and then had additional discussions. The disturbing thing was, that no one in the room had ever met the children...the social worker representing the kids had just been assigned the case 2 days before, so had never met them. All they could do is read off of previous reports. Under funded, and understaffed... I now feel guilty for applying for a reduction in our property taxes based on falling home values...
As part of the process, they were allowed to share with us the official docs of why the kids were in foster care, their life, etc. So here's a bit of background on their young, soap opera life:
The kids were born to parents who had on-going drug problems. The family lived in a second floor apartment somewhere in contra costa county. In November of last year, at some point, the 1 year old toddled onto the balcony and fell two stories to the ground. Thankfully, he was fine, but of course 911 was called, and police and EMT's responded.
As part of the investigation on what happened, the police entered the residence and found deplorable conditions: roaches, piles of garbage so that they couldn't even walk through the home, dirty dishes, and spoiled food on the counters, etc. The kids were immediately placed into custody. In addition, the mother was found to be high as a kite, and admitted to long term meth addition as well as other drugs. We aren't sure of the state of dad during this time. They were also evicted from the apt at this point.
Once children are removed from their parents home, the county gives them one shot to get their act together. They will pay for re-hab, finding housing, child care, etc. So mom enters rehab. While in rehab, mom starts affair with another person in rehab, and becomes pregnant. She finishes rehab, moves back in with her hubby, who then finds out that mom is PG by another man, blah, blah, blah. Dad throws mom out and files for divorce. Kids go back to social services as mom says she is going back to rehab and is going to terminate the pregnancy. This all happened around Feb. Social Services has not had any contact with Mom since that time, nor do they know where she is. Her parental rights have since been terminated.
So now Dad has a shot with the kids, but social services tells him he's got to have a stable job, housing, etc, and they provide him with the resources. He has a dirty drug test, but then has tested clean. However he's not done anything about the job, housing, situation. He has supervised visits with the kids, but according to the social worker, he sits and stares at the walls for an hr with them...doesn't read to them, engage at all, etc. Side note: Supervised visits mean that the children meet the dad at the social workers office. They don't come to the home where the kids live...
Social worker that is supervising has said that the dad hangs onto this 'vision' that he wants to give his kids the childhood he never had. However, he's not willing to take the steps necessary to change his behavior or situation. By the way, both the mom and dad were in Foster Care as children....so the cycle continues. Dad has a court hearing the first part of December where they are going to rule on if his rights will be terminated. All of the SW's felt that there was a 99% chance of that, and if not, they felt that if dad saw that the kids were happy and in a stable/loving home, he would sign over his rights.
The mom's mom (grandma), is also in the picture. She had originally applied for custody of the kids, but was denied because as a mother herself, her kids were placed in Foster Care...
The kids are currently in a foster home, and the foster parent has requested that the kids be moved....not so much because of the kids, but because of the Grandmother. Apparently, Grandma knows where the kids are living, so will come by and visit which is normally not an issue. However, according to the foster mother, she asked grandma to wait in the living room while she gathered up the kids. Unfortunately, Grandma decided to roam the house, and followed the Foster Mother upstairs to get the kids, after the foster mom asked her to please wait. According to the foster mom and social workers, Grandma doesn't have an boundaries, and has become a problem.
Obviously, we don't want to inherit any invasion of space issues ourselves, and wondered if that would be an issue. The social workers stressed that Dad's visitation is currently supervised, so happens at a SW office (again, may be terminated in December). Grandma has no legal right, however if we wanted the kids to have contact (which we do support), we could set the terms (meet in a neutral spot for example).
On to the scoop about the kids. All were exposed to drugs in-utero, however only Jenna appears to currently have some lasting affects.
Angel is age six and is described as very bright and out-going. She does have some issues with her parents basically abandoning her, but she's doing well. She just started kindergarten this year, and found out she needed glasses. She's doing well in school. From a health standpoint, she's doing pretty good, but is in need of major dental care. This has been neglected from day 1. She's on target for development.
Jenna is age 4, and suffers from what was initially described as mild cerebral palsy. She had a mild stroke at about 6 months, but is doing well in therapy. She wears a leg brace that she hates to wear, and is currently under going physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc. The state covers all of these services. She goes to a day care/therapy center daily that is right down the street from our home. In addition, we're told that a bus picks her up and drops her off for her day/care therapy. Her speech is delayed, but they are working on that... In addition, they mentioned that sign language might me appropriate as well (so Terry, you need to start teaching us! Mary Lou Stuart, tell Brittany we may need her help!)
Rob is age 2, and appears to be bright and outgoing as well. He is on target for development, and had no affects from his fall (I guess little kids 'bounce').
Our main concern at this point is of course Jenna. Do we have the resources to provide for her the best opportunity to succeed in life? When they say mild, what does that mean? Are we prepared to handle this? The frustrating part for us of course is that no one in the room had met or seen the kids. So we asked to speak w/someone who had. They were going to put us in contact with a therapist that has worked with the kids to get her point of view. In addition, we had a wonderful conversation with our neighbor across the street. Turns out her nephew has CP and is totally mainstreamed, and was able to give us some encouragement and guidance.
So....what you may ask are the next steps......well here they are:
Today, I am working on a pictorial of Mark and I and our lives together. We are going to tell our story for the kids from the perspective of our dogs, Beau and Biscuit. We are to e-mail that to the social worker so they can sit down and explain to the kids what's going on.
On Tuesday, Oct 14 in the pm sometime, we are going to go to the foster parents house and meet the kids. We are supposed to bring a little 'ice breaker' gift for each child. So those of you who have or had little ones, please send us any of your suggestions.
After that initial visit, the final decision will be made if they are going to come with us or not. If yes, they work on a transition plan. Transition can last from 2 days to 2 months. First, they start with maybe taking the kids on a Sat or Sun. Then maybe an overnight and so on. They let the kids dictate the transition.
In any event, this has been joyful journey for us. We never imagined that things would happen so quickly. The opportunity to actually make a difference in these children's lives is such a blessing.
Thank you so much to all of you that have offered your thoughts, prayers, and advice. The generosity of everyone has been overwhelming to say the least. I have to share with you all the following story:
As most of you know, our neighborhood has lots of kids from about age 5-up. Our neighbor at the end of the street has two kids, a boy about 8 and a girl about 10. We were talking to them last week about what was going on and everything, and were really excited. About an hr later, the little boy and girl came over to our house. Both of them had their bicycles and they said they had outgrown them and wanted to give to them to the kids. and the daughter also came back with a box of Barbie's and clothes for the kids. Very heartwarming. Last night she told us she had some books....
First off, what an eye opener social services is. Honestly, both Mark and I feel blessed that we grew up with loving and supportive parents, and made it to adulthood with relatively few bumps in the road. Our meeting consisted of Mark and I along with 3 social workers. One represented the children, one represented us, and one was an observer. The process was that the children's social worker presented their case to us, we were able to ask questions (we brought a list of about 40), and then had additional discussions. The disturbing thing was, that no one in the room had ever met the children...the social worker representing the kids had just been assigned the case 2 days before, so had never met them. All they could do is read off of previous reports. Under funded, and understaffed... I now feel guilty for applying for a reduction in our property taxes based on falling home values...
As part of the process, they were allowed to share with us the official docs of why the kids were in foster care, their life, etc. So here's a bit of background on their young, soap opera life:
The kids were born to parents who had on-going drug problems. The family lived in a second floor apartment somewhere in contra costa county. In November of last year, at some point, the 1 year old toddled onto the balcony and fell two stories to the ground. Thankfully, he was fine, but of course 911 was called, and police and EMT's responded.
As part of the investigation on what happened, the police entered the residence and found deplorable conditions: roaches, piles of garbage so that they couldn't even walk through the home, dirty dishes, and spoiled food on the counters, etc. The kids were immediately placed into custody. In addition, the mother was found to be high as a kite, and admitted to long term meth addition as well as other drugs. We aren't sure of the state of dad during this time. They were also evicted from the apt at this point.
Once children are removed from their parents home, the county gives them one shot to get their act together. They will pay for re-hab, finding housing, child care, etc. So mom enters rehab. While in rehab, mom starts affair with another person in rehab, and becomes pregnant. She finishes rehab, moves back in with her hubby, who then finds out that mom is PG by another man, blah, blah, blah. Dad throws mom out and files for divorce. Kids go back to social services as mom says she is going back to rehab and is going to terminate the pregnancy. This all happened around Feb. Social Services has not had any contact with Mom since that time, nor do they know where she is. Her parental rights have since been terminated.
So now Dad has a shot with the kids, but social services tells him he's got to have a stable job, housing, etc, and they provide him with the resources. He has a dirty drug test, but then has tested clean. However he's not done anything about the job, housing, situation. He has supervised visits with the kids, but according to the social worker, he sits and stares at the walls for an hr with them...doesn't read to them, engage at all, etc. Side note: Supervised visits mean that the children meet the dad at the social workers office. They don't come to the home where the kids live...
Social worker that is supervising has said that the dad hangs onto this 'vision' that he wants to give his kids the childhood he never had. However, he's not willing to take the steps necessary to change his behavior or situation. By the way, both the mom and dad were in Foster Care as children....so the cycle continues. Dad has a court hearing the first part of December where they are going to rule on if his rights will be terminated. All of the SW's felt that there was a 99% chance of that, and if not, they felt that if dad saw that the kids were happy and in a stable/loving home, he would sign over his rights.
The mom's mom (grandma), is also in the picture. She had originally applied for custody of the kids, but was denied because as a mother herself, her kids were placed in Foster Care...
The kids are currently in a foster home, and the foster parent has requested that the kids be moved....not so much because of the kids, but because of the Grandmother. Apparently, Grandma knows where the kids are living, so will come by and visit which is normally not an issue. However, according to the foster mother, she asked grandma to wait in the living room while she gathered up the kids. Unfortunately, Grandma decided to roam the house, and followed the Foster Mother upstairs to get the kids, after the foster mom asked her to please wait. According to the foster mom and social workers, Grandma doesn't have an boundaries, and has become a problem.
Obviously, we don't want to inherit any invasion of space issues ourselves, and wondered if that would be an issue. The social workers stressed that Dad's visitation is currently supervised, so happens at a SW office (again, may be terminated in December). Grandma has no legal right, however if we wanted the kids to have contact (which we do support), we could set the terms (meet in a neutral spot for example).
On to the scoop about the kids. All were exposed to drugs in-utero, however only Jenna appears to currently have some lasting affects.
Angel is age six and is described as very bright and out-going. She does have some issues with her parents basically abandoning her, but she's doing well. She just started kindergarten this year, and found out she needed glasses. She's doing well in school. From a health standpoint, she's doing pretty good, but is in need of major dental care. This has been neglected from day 1. She's on target for development.
Jenna is age 4, and suffers from what was initially described as mild cerebral palsy. She had a mild stroke at about 6 months, but is doing well in therapy. She wears a leg brace that she hates to wear, and is currently under going physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc. The state covers all of these services. She goes to a day care/therapy center daily that is right down the street from our home. In addition, we're told that a bus picks her up and drops her off for her day/care therapy. Her speech is delayed, but they are working on that... In addition, they mentioned that sign language might me appropriate as well (so Terry, you need to start teaching us! Mary Lou Stuart, tell Brittany we may need her help!)
Rob is age 2, and appears to be bright and outgoing as well. He is on target for development, and had no affects from his fall (I guess little kids 'bounce').
Our main concern at this point is of course Jenna. Do we have the resources to provide for her the best opportunity to succeed in life? When they say mild, what does that mean? Are we prepared to handle this? The frustrating part for us of course is that no one in the room had met or seen the kids. So we asked to speak w/someone who had. They were going to put us in contact with a therapist that has worked with the kids to get her point of view. In addition, we had a wonderful conversation with our neighbor across the street. Turns out her nephew has CP and is totally mainstreamed, and was able to give us some encouragement and guidance.
So....what you may ask are the next steps......well here they are:
Today, I am working on a pictorial of Mark and I and our lives together. We are going to tell our story for the kids from the perspective of our dogs, Beau and Biscuit. We are to e-mail that to the social worker so they can sit down and explain to the kids what's going on.
On Tuesday, Oct 14 in the pm sometime, we are going to go to the foster parents house and meet the kids. We are supposed to bring a little 'ice breaker' gift for each child. So those of you who have or had little ones, please send us any of your suggestions.
After that initial visit, the final decision will be made if they are going to come with us or not. If yes, they work on a transition plan. Transition can last from 2 days to 2 months. First, they start with maybe taking the kids on a Sat or Sun. Then maybe an overnight and so on. They let the kids dictate the transition.
In any event, this has been joyful journey for us. We never imagined that things would happen so quickly. The opportunity to actually make a difference in these children's lives is such a blessing.
Thank you so much to all of you that have offered your thoughts, prayers, and advice. The generosity of everyone has been overwhelming to say the least. I have to share with you all the following story:
As most of you know, our neighborhood has lots of kids from about age 5-up. Our neighbor at the end of the street has two kids, a boy about 8 and a girl about 10. We were talking to them last week about what was going on and everything, and were really excited. About an hr later, the little boy and girl came over to our house. Both of them had their bicycles and they said they had outgrown them and wanted to give to them to the kids. and the daughter also came back with a box of Barbie's and clothes for the kids. Very heartwarming. Last night she told us she had some books....
The CALL...
Thought I'd give you an update on the latest and greatest regarding our pursit of becoming Foster/Adoptive Parents. Last Saturday, we finished our CPR and First Aid Certification. I faxed that over to our social worker yesterday. Our final piece was to finish the medical exam for Mark. We had it scheduled, but they weren't able to get him in until the end of the month.
In any event, I made a call to the social worker to make sure she'd gotten all of the paperwork so far. She had it all except for Mark's medical, and I told her that was scheduled. She asked if I could maybe call the Dr. to see about scheduling it sooner rather than later...I said sure (now scheduled for next Wed).
About 10 minutes later, she called me back and said that the reason she was pushing for us to get finished is that she thinks they have a match for us! Believe it or not, they have a sibiling group that is comprised of 2 girls and 1 one boy ages 2-6. They are currently in Foster Care, and are going to be moved in the next week. They would like to move them to our home, as they are currently considered children that have a high likelyhood of being put up for adoption. We have a meeting with the Social Workers on Tuesday afternoon to learn more about the kids and their situation and needs.
In any event, we should know more in the next week, so we will keep you all posted!
In any event, I made a call to the social worker to make sure she'd gotten all of the paperwork so far. She had it all except for Mark's medical, and I told her that was scheduled. She asked if I could maybe call the Dr. to see about scheduling it sooner rather than later...I said sure (now scheduled for next Wed).
About 10 minutes later, she called me back and said that the reason she was pushing for us to get finished is that she thinks they have a match for us! Believe it or not, they have a sibiling group that is comprised of 2 girls and 1 one boy ages 2-6. They are currently in Foster Care, and are going to be moved in the next week. They would like to move them to our home, as they are currently considered children that have a high likelyhood of being put up for adoption. We have a meeting with the Social Workers on Tuesday afternoon to learn more about the kids and their situation and needs.
In any event, we should know more in the next week, so we will keep you all posted!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
In The Beginning....
My husband Mark and I have decided to adopt via the Foster Care system in our area. This has been quite a journey for us, and the postings to follow, will follow-up on our journey.
A bit about us: I'm 47 years old, and my hubby, Mark is 49. We have been married 2 years, and decided to go the Foster Adopt route as we are unable to have children together. Mark has 2 adult children from his first marriage, and was also blessed to have helped raise a 3rd. I had never been married before, or had children.
That being said, here we go:
Why Foster/Adopt: We chose this method, for a variety of reasons:
A bit about us: I'm 47 years old, and my hubby, Mark is 49. We have been married 2 years, and decided to go the Foster Adopt route as we are unable to have children together. Mark has 2 adult children from his first marriage, and was also blessed to have helped raise a 3rd. I had never been married before, or had children.
That being said, here we go:
Why Foster/Adopt: We chose this method, for a variety of reasons:
- We are Wish Grantors with the Make A Wish Foundation, and last year granted a wish to a child in Foster Care who was being adopted by her parents. She also had several siblings that had come out of the Foster system.
- About 3 months later, there was a big article in People magazine talking about kids in Foster Care that are adoptable but too old, along with a comment about siblings, and how hard it is to keep them together in Foster Care.
These two incidents that occurred several months apart got us thinking....we have a home that's large enough for sibilings, and we could actually make a difference in these kids lives... So why not...!
We attended an orientation in January, classes in April, CPR in September, and got kids here in October! What a journey...
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